so i've been sick...

for the last month. i've had a fever anywhere from 99-101 for 2.5 weeks straight. i've been to the doctor twice. they gave me antibiotics the first time. didn't work. gave me stronger antibiotics... still not working...

supposedly i have strep. but i *barely* have strep. because the strep test was barely positive. someone, please explain that idea. it's positive or it's not. you had sex or you didn't. playing just the tip counts as full blown intercourse. i don't care who you are.

and *obviously* this is the time of year where we are extremely short-staffed and have way too many projects so i just have to go to work sick. i can't work from home or take a sick day. which may or may not be impeding my road to recovery. i'm going to lean towards "may" but that's just me.

the worst part about being sick was that i didn't get to participate in the crackfest that is the st. paddy's day parade on greenville. well, i got to ride my bike around and stare at the trainwrecks happening and watch the cluster from my couch, but i didn't get to partake in being a drunken hooker like the rest of the females in the m streets area. i don't know if you have ever been to these festivities but i must say there are about a million people in a small amount of space with a cumulative average IQ of less than barney the giant purple dinosaur.

i'm not kidding, y'all.

we rode our bikes up to check out the parade... but the mass of bodies prohibited us from getting too close. which was probably a good thing since we watched contagion the other night (pretty good movie, FYI) and i'm now convinced that i have the disease they had in the movie since my antibiotics are not fixing my strep. and i don't want to be in trouble for infecting the entire world and wiping out the human race. just sayin.

although... at least then i'd be famous.

so. back to the topic. the sad excuse of a parade. which was really tons of people on top of trailers throwing beads (am i in new orleans? is this mardi gras? apparently so). so then we ride our bikes back to the house... it was like playing drunk frogger... where we were frogger and we had to weave through all these drunk people. drunk people who were very excited about our shiny green bikes (seriously, we didn't think it through). we made it home with very few casualties and spent the rest of the day/evening creeping on the drunk zombies.

we saw two girls pee in our side yard. yep. GIRLS. i know what you're feeling right now... i, too, was ashamed to have a vagina. especially after one of the girls kind of fell over sideways into her bathroom area as she was pulling up her pants. hope she's riding home in the back of someone's truck... otherwise someone is going to be really angry that their upholstery smells.

then we saw a drunk guy (wearing cowboy boots, mind you...) basically humping the horse of a mounted police officer. he was caressing the horse and loving the horse and i'm sure i saw a little tongue action... and then he offered the police officer a beer. are you kidding me? that just spells A-R-R-E-S-T  M-E. don't you think? fortunately for this little equine lover, the police officer just laughed and kind of shooed him away.

we saw lots of people passed out on the street. CLASSY.

we saw lots of people with BABIES. WTF? seriously, people? this is a category 11 boozefest and you want to bring your newborn child?

"hey, do you mind holding junior for a moment? i need to shotgun my 20th beer of the night and then get us home safely."

"baby looked bored, so i decided to let him partake in the festivities by adding beer to his bottle... he seems to be having much more fun now."

"is that baby holding a blunt or a cigarette?"

it was really ridiculous. but then i felt comforted. if these people are surviving with living children, i will be a stellar parent. no lie.

last but not least of the night were the drunk girls leaving greenville ave and drunkenly approaching every dude they came across and trying to hit on them. every. single. guy. fortunately after 10 dudes turned them down, they found 2 that took them up on their offer. good for you. see? persistence is a virtue.

i'm just glad i had a front-row ticket to the craziness. yay for living right off of greenville.

go me!

and, if you don't mind, can you please hope i feel better soon or something? i'm working on the healing, but i seem to be doing a shitty job of it. pleaseandthankyou.