i woke up at 3 am to an empty bed, the tv on but on mute and my bedroom door wide open. apparently ferret had been woken up by what sounded like an extremely dangerous and armed intruder shuffling through our stuff in the kitchen. he grabbed his knife (instead of the gun, of course... knives are way better at killing dangerous criminals) to go save our lives... when he flipped on the lights, all he saw was that the bag of maple cookies that roomie brought back from canada ripped to shreds... he searched the entire kitchen high and low and did not find any signs of life.
once he finished telling me this crazy story, we tried to fall back asleep and all of a sudden heard the loud rustling in the kitchen again. this time he decided to try to sneak up on the imposing animal with a flashlight, but it was to no avail. sneaky little devil. the rat, not cody, of course.
apparently the rat/mouse/giant opossum had devoured 3/4 of the bag of maple cookies... annnnd at a hefty 250 calories per cookie, i hope he's happy with his newly engorged waistline. what a fat asshole.
i spent the rest of the night tossing and turning because of nightmares with giant ratlike creatures trying to attack me. so not only did he eat my yummy cookies, he caused me to lose sleep. jerk. i hope he's fat and happy. and that his stomach explodes from all those calories... or maybe i hope it implodes... less messy for me.
if his giant feast didn't cause him to keel over, i made sure to purchase a rat trap and two mouse traps to catch this asshat in the act. hopefully by tomorrow we can have a eulogy for this miscreant.
wish me luck.
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