this is probably longer than anyone wants to read, so feel free to skim it...

i paid $11 to sleep through a movie the other night. i also got attacked by a small dog the size of a wiener (otherwise known as a wiener dog). i got alcohol poisoning for only the second time in my life. i ditched a guy trying to accost my roommate (roomie... please note that names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent) by saying that my boyfriend had lost my dog... let's just say that i'm not a good actress. i also saved a small cat from uncertain death in a tree.

true story. well, except for the cat part. and this all happened in a little over a week from the last time i blogged. try and tell me that i don't live a crazy life.

last tuesday was my first non-wedding anniversary. i felt like i had to do something to commemorate it since i wasn't really planning on being sad... so i took my girls out to stan's down the street and proceed to get wastey. hardcore wastey. i'm talking two beers, a pitcher, 3.5 shots and two more beers wastey. from what i remember, we had a really good time. ferret wasn't around because he had a scream-o concert to attend (and from the video he sent me, i'm pretty glad i didn't go... even the short clip gave me a major migraine... but to each their own!), but he did manage to come by the house after to find me passed out in bed... apparently i had a full conversation with him but i remembered none of it in the morning. at least i managed to finish puking black stuff before he came over. apparently i also managed to brag about brushing my teeth before he came over. i only remember bits & pieces. which means we were extremely successful in our quest to get wastey. i like to think of us as overachievers. don't be jealous.

this was the night that we ditched the guy trying to get with roomie by buying us shots and beer by telling him my man had lost my dog. roomie legitimately freaked out despite my horrible acting skills. i blame the alcohol. sorry, ferret, for blaming you for losing my dog. it wasn't your fault. yes, you can make it up to me sometime.

that night helped me remember why i don't drink that much. so there was another major positive out of the night.

my mom has been in town since last week and we've been busy tearing up the town. she's from oregon, the great hippie state, so i've been trying to find super granola places to take her in d-town so she feels at home. we went to bolsa market on friday night in the ghetto bishop arts district. while we were driving there she kept asking me if i was sure that we were going the right way... i guess she's not used to seeing families brandishing glocks sitting on the porch... but i quickly explained that the family that shoots together stays together. she didn't seem so sure about that.

we met her financial planner for dinner and spent the whole time talking about how a guy that gets paid to advise people about money is really horrible at managing his own money. kind of ironic, but funny nonetheless. of course there was some time spent breaking wine glasses (my mom is a lightweight) and a mexican dude almost assaulted me... but i later found out that he's my neighbor and just wanted to say hi. i'm really bad at remembering people. especially when they live right next to me. call me an asshole. i'm used to it. but to be fair, he just recently moved next door.

saturday night we decided to go eat at la duni... one of my favorite restaurants in dallas and then watch the movie dreamhouse. it didn't start until 10:30... as soon as we arrived in the movie theater, i decided it would be more fun to watch the movie horizontally, so i laid down. and fell. asleep. i literally paid $11 to increase my neck and back pain and watch the back of my eyelids. roomie insisted the movie was awesome. at least it wasn't a total fail.

sunday, ferret came over and made us german pancakes and bacon with brown sugar and dijon on it... super yummy. i don't know how i got so lucky that boy can cook, but since i have the cooking abilities of a five year old i'm super glad. i mean peanut butter and jelly is one of my specialties... i'm not kidding, y'all.

then we walked around white rock lake to kill some time before the dexter premiere. i tried to push the button for the fountain so miss mae (my adorable pit/lab/bat/horse mix, see photo below) could get a drink, but found that i didn't know my own weakness and was unable to get the fountain to work. cody made a comment about me having the strength of a five year old... and he ended up getting a mouthful of water in the face. lesson. taught. at least i hope he learned something from the whole experience... however i'm sure with how hot it was, the water actually felt good... whatever, it was fun regardless.

here's miss mae:

if you turn your head to the right, then the picture totally works. i'm completely unsure of how to rotate the photo in this thing, so you're just going to have to work with me here.

as you can tell... part lab... part pit... part bat? and maybe some horse thrown in there... and some jaguar because she saunters when she walks. but this is my babygirl :)

mom went to dinner with my brother and his friend and came back right before dexter started so we had to postpone the premier until after they left... during which time roomie's dog tried to attack brother's dog and bit me in the proccess. it's swollen and bruised, but he didn't break the skin. which is a good thing since i'm super accident prone. at least i already got a tetanus shot this year when i busted it in the rangers parking lot on a bright red curb. see? i wasn't kidding about the accident-proneness.

the dexter premiere rocked, but i of course managed to fall asleep before the end. sometimes i feel like i'm an 80 year old woman trapped in a 25 almost 26 year old's body. anyone else feel like that? no? just me? of course.