i was driving to work this morning without a care in the world, windows rolled down, listening to some super introspective indie music i'm sure... when out of nowhere this gangster squirrel darts in front of my car and just STANDS there staring at me with his beady little eyes like he had a death wish.
now i realized that i would most probably win this chicken deathmatch, but i love animals. ALL animals. and it would hurt me far worse than it would hurt him if i ran over the little bugger regardless of the mean mugging he was doing while standing daringly in front of my bumper.
so i screetched to a hault and honked the horn to make him move. fortunately he got the message and ran off into someone's front yard to safety. i can't be sure, but i thought i saw him giving me the finger as he ran away... sorry for screwing up your suicide plans, sir! seriously! i just saved your life... the least you could do is THANK ME. squirrels are assholes, y'all.
during lunch today i went to target with my bestie... i'm not really sure what we went in to target to purchase, but i'm pretty sure we came out with more than we bargained for. i swear that you can't get in and out of that place without spending over $100 and getting hives from all the panic attacks due to the vast amounts of shopping treasures inside.
plus, i found a dress with birds on it. no lie. i LOVE birds. well not real birds... i love birds in theory and i love drawings and photos of birds... real birds are like rats with wings and that makes me want to vomit. fake birds, however, are my reason for living. so i HAD to buy the dress. on principle alone. because there are birds on it, y'all. AND a front zipper... and that was just a bonus. so i did. (put a bird on it, y'all)
so the lesson for today is that squirrels are suicidal assholes and fake birds on a dress can totally turn your day around. PLUS, it's thursday so it's practically the weekend... don't forget to wear your party pants tomorrow.
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