Close eyes. Deep breath. Jump in.

You know when you were a kid and it was too early in the spring to get in the swimming pool, but you were so excited that it was decently warm outside that you just couldn't help yourself? I would always get so nervous thinking about how cold the water would be once I jumped in. But I always knew I'd acclimate to the cold temperature & then be glad I jumped in. Sometimes that's hard for me to remember as an adult: the nervousness and trepidation surrounding doing something is oftentimes worth it in the end.

There are some really big things going on in my life. And I need to write about it, so I can sort my thoughts and document what is surely life-changing stuff. This is for me and no one else. Sorry, but you're just going to have to put on your big girl panties and deal.

So much has happened since I was last here. The thing I'm most glad to report is that the ferret is still in my life and things with him are going swimmingly. In fact, we've even turned things up a notch and last October, he decided to make things legit. Yeah, that's right... The ferret and I are getting hitched and I've been sporting some bling on my left hand. Very pretty bling, if I do say so myself. But that's another story for another time.

Equally notable (and a big reason for why I'm taking up the blogging gig again), he is looking for a job in another state. Several other states. That's right, I'm finally getting the heck out of Texas. Which is super exciting and awesome. But also makes me want to shit my pants.

Originally it started with a plan to move to Portland to be closer to my parents and my brother (who just moved there a week ago), but then it morphed into "well, what would you say about moving to California?" umm, heck yes?! And then, it morphed into "well, I also have offers in Hawaii... ooh and if we go to the East Coast, I'll make even more money." Ummm WHAT? East Coast? Come again?

But then it started to be a very real option. Massachusetts or  New Jersey. I can't handle cold weather, but they do both have good sea food, and it would be easy to travel around and see that part of the US since everything is close together. And we're closer to Europe?? (so maybe I'm stretching a little... haha) I mean we're talking about places I've never even set foot in... not even in the airport.

A big part of me knows that I can be happy anywhere... especially if I'm with my ferret. But this is some crazy shit, y'all. Who knows what this might lead us to? It could be the best decision we've ever made. It could be the worst. But I've spent way to much time in my life being hesitant about things and playing it safe. I didn't do that with ferret and that's one of the reasons why we've had the best relationship. We take chances. We go on adventures. We have fun.

So I just need to look at it as that... another adventure. The good thing about it, is my job said I can work from home. That I won't have to quit my job, so there is that. Which helps. A LOT. But dealing with all this and wedding planning... especially when we are getting married in Oregon so I'm planning it long distance, which adds a little extra stress. We are only having our parents and siblings and my bestie come, so it shouldn't be that difficult/stressful to plan and it hasn't been so far, so that's good. But it still adds an extra element.

This is where I need to rely on my faith. And quit worrying. Worrying is definitely my least favorite characteristic I inherited from my mom, but I'm working on that.

Like I said before, this could be the greatest adventure and the best decision we ever made.

Close eyes. Deep breath. Jump in.

avoidance...

it's almost as ugly as jealousy... but, here i am, fully partaking in a covert operation to avoid my blog so i can avoid having to write about the momster visit. and, dear blog, for that i am sorry. it's not that anything bad happened or that nothing blog-worthy happened. it's just... i kind of blacked out from being nervous during the entire thing, so i only remember bits and pieces... true gems...

 like when i yelled...
"the bible is stupid."
-OR- "get the fuck out of my kitchen or i will stab you with this spatula."

-OR- when i contemplated picking up a knitting class. i even called bestie to ask her to enroll in it with me. apparently her oldness is wearing off on me.

-OR- when i threw her annoying wiener dog out the window of a fast-moving car because she was being whiny. ok, that one didn't happen. but i DID contemplate it.

soooo late one night... after we've all been drinking (which honestly was probably a bad idea to begin with), my momster decides to start quizzing the ferret on his religious beliefs. (honestly, woman, where is your TACT?) and this lasts for 3 hours... during which she starts out being all sweet and inquisitive and then spouting out ridiculous facts and how she cannot believe the crazy stuff they put in the book of mormon. i'm like, "oh really, woman? you believe in burning bushes talking and seas parting and all the other crazy stories in the bible, but you're going to hinge your disbelief in mormonism on the fact that the book of mormon has some far-fetched stories in it? and because of these far-fetched stories you basically think the book of mormon is stupid? well, then following THAT logic, the bible is stupid, too!"

obviously not my finest moment, but my mama bear claws came out and i had to protect my baby ferret. although he handled it a lot more gracefully than i did. i don't care what your beliefs are, please don't attack others' beliefs and call them dumb. especially not the person i'm in love with... who doesn't practice that religion anymore but just grew up in it. come on, now. common. sense.

then one night i was making my infamous chocolate chip cookies in a new oven (which is actually not so new and kind of sucks) in our super awesome duplex and she's standing over my shoulder ridiculing me about each step... "uh, hi? momster? i've made these before. they are delish. GET OFF MY BACK! did you not learn when i divorced the last guy because he kept telling me what to do in the kitchen just to be a jerk? (note to you dear readers that this was not the only reason i divorced him, but it was part of it) well, i did. get the fuck out of my kitchen before i stab you with this spatula!"

she listened. it was good.

then i decided i wanted her to knit a blanket for me. so we went to the knitting store and it took three hours. i would have given my first born ferret spawn of satan child just to get out of that place, so i agreed to take some knitting classes. then i called bestie. then she reminded me that i'm only 26. then i got the heck out of dodge.

then we drove to san antonio to celebrate her friend's aunt's 100th birthday... it was a long, difficult drive ever since mile 5 when i figured out that the damn rental car didn't have an ipod jack and we were stuck listening to the radio. and then the wiener started whining... and then it was four hours later and i was tired and i threatened that little wiener dog... just a little to get her to shut up. because i will someday be a good mom like that.

anywho... the rest of the trip was pretty uneventful... except for the night we went out to dinner with my mom, her financial planner, his bitchy girlfriend he met on match.com and ferret, of course... and this couple was making out and humping inches away from our table. that's not awkward at all. welcome to lower greenville, y'all. it's classy here.

so. for real. that was it. all the highlights anyway. now i'm done and can quit avoiding this blog like the plague.

can i vent for a second? (and don't worry, i'm fully aware that this is totally off-topic, but i have a fever, so it's ok) i REALLY hate ticket brokers. it should be illegal. i wanted to buy tickets to see fun. at house of blues, but those assholes bought all the tickets and NOW instead of paying $17/ticket to see them, the current going rate is hovering around $63/ticket. how is this just?

i have two choices, i guess... be broke and get to see fun. or boycott ticket brokers in general. i think i'll go with option 2.

congrats if you made it this far and if anything made sense. you win the option to purchase a ticket to see fun. at house of blues in dallas for 3.7 times the original price. lucky you.

free lipo with purchase of lingerie...

ahhh, valentine's day. single's awareness day. a hallmark holiday. whatever you want to call it, it's quickly approaching.

bestie and i did our due diligence for our significant others and headed to VS at the mall to pick out something yummy. despite one's personal preference toward lingerie, i think we can all agree that there really is nothing that makes you feel quite so girly and desirable... regardless of how uncomfortable it may be and the expense of a team of CIA agents and engineers it takes to get you in to said lingerie.

i find that i always pick up about 18 outfits, work myself into a sweaty tizzy twisting and turning this way and that to get into all 18 outfits and then decide to purchase the very first one i put on. it's a lot of effort. but it's all worth it. ferret loves it. plus, it's just good cardio.

and the best part is... you get free chocolates when you spend over $100.

i don't know about you, but the last thing i'm thinking about after standing almost completely naked in skin-tight lingerie in stark lighting is the fact that i should eat more. or the fact that i should eat more chocolate. in fact, i'm normally wishing i had a gag reflex to get rid of whatever offensive calorie-ridden food i ate during lunch... actually, is there a way to just negate all the calories i have eaten for the last week? yes, please and thankyouverymuch.

how about this, victoria secret? free lipo with purchase of lingerie. i think more women could get excited about that. plus, then i wouldn't get chocolate all over my keyboard when i'm writing my latest blog entry...

time flies when you're having fun??? or maybe it's just because i'm super busy...

soooo, it's been about a month and a half since my last blog... i'm pretty sure that means i fail at this blog thing. but i'm used to failure, so it's not really a big deal. plus i've been too busy to notice... and i've been having too much fun... and i've been too busy having fun. so there.

although i'm sure your life has lost a little of its sparkle with the absence of my inane ramblings. but i'm back bitches. you're welcome.

i'm signing a lease on a super cute duplex tomorrow... super stoked about that... now i will have approximately 900 sq feet of places to put all my things from my 2,300 sq foot house... which SOLD. thank you blog gods, because not long after i posted about wishing my house was sold, my wish was granted. i'm officially free, y'all. let's celebrate! but not too much because moving is expensive and now i'm poor. fun times. especially at christmas.

craig's list is creepy. when i was looking for places to live, i seriously found an ad asking for sexual favors in return for free rent, which i would have been all for except that the ad specifically stated that the whole idea was "less creepy than it sounds." i felt like if you have to clarify that then it is, in fact, a pretty creepy situation. and i feel like i've had a big enough dose of creepers this year. just sayin.

other news... i'm taking a trip to arizona to meet ferret's friends and fam... i guess this is a big step for us? who knows... i just know that i've already started memorizing facts, figures and names of all his favorite people there, started working out hardcore and am on a super strict diet and skin regiment. ok, i might be exaggerating a little, but i am kind of nervous... but if they love him, they should love me. because he's basically me in a man's body. which makes me feel kind of vain for being with him, but whatever. the awesomeness far outweighs any vanity...

i am, however, going to have to chill it with the inappropriateness during my trip... i don't want these people getting the right idea about me BEFORE they start loving me. i should probably chill it with the inappropriateness in general. i've started to notice that other people notice. exhibit a: me and my friends (bestie and gaybian... who isn't really gay, more just metro) were eating at in n out burger during lunch the other day when i started talking about how one of my friends has been really stressed lately and probably just needs to get laid... i didn't realize how loudly i was talking until the creeper next to us looked over at us, asked us if she was cute and said he could help her out for an hour... WOW. people are crazy. or maybe i'm crazy for talking about such things loudly, but that's just how i do it, kids. get used to it. or maybe that should be one of my new year's resolutions. but why set myself up for failure?

suicidal squirrels are so in this fall...

i was driving to work this morning without a care in the world, windows rolled down, listening to some super introspective indie music i'm sure... when out of nowhere this gangster squirrel darts in front of my car and just STANDS there staring at me with his beady little eyes like he had a death wish.

now i realized that i would most probably win this chicken deathmatch, but i love animals. ALL animals. and it would hurt me far worse than it would hurt him if i ran over the little bugger regardless of the mean mugging he was doing while standing daringly in front of my bumper.

so i screetched to a hault and honked the horn to make him move. fortunately he got the message and ran off into someone's front yard to safety. i can't be sure, but i thought i saw him giving me the finger as he ran away... sorry for screwing up your suicide plans, sir! seriously! i just saved your life... the least you could do is THANK ME. squirrels are assholes, y'all.

during lunch today i went to target with my bestie... i'm not really sure what we went in to target to purchase, but i'm pretty sure we came out with more than we bargained for. i swear that you can't get in and out of that place without spending over $100 and getting hives from all the panic attacks due to the vast amounts of shopping treasures inside.

plus, i found a dress with birds on it. no lie. i LOVE birds. well not real birds... i love birds in theory and i love drawings and photos of birds... real birds are like rats with wings and that makes me want to vomit. fake birds, however, are my reason for living. so i HAD to buy the dress. on principle alone. because there are birds on it, y'all. AND a front zipper... and that was just a bonus. so i did. (put a bird on it, y'all)

so the lesson for today is that squirrels are suicidal assholes and fake birds on a dress can totally turn your day around. PLUS, it's thursday so it's practically the weekend... don't forget to wear your party pants tomorrow.