meet snorty mcsnortsalot.

Last May, the ferret and I happened upon a posting on facebook by one of his friends giving up the cutest of cute french bulldogs. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it), we have *slight* obsession with frenchies (read: MAJOR OBSESSION), so after thinking about it for at least five minutes, we decided to message his friend and tell him that we would take him, arrange for shipment from UTAH and that we were super excited about our new family member.

You have met Mae Mae, so now you must meet Titus Dexter, or Dexter as we call him.

I know, I know, he's really cute, isn't he? Titus was his old name, but we liked Dexter, so we gave him that as a middle name and then call him by his middle name, like we do to Andi Mae. Dexter, Dex, Dexy Dog, Snorty, Yuck Mouth, Monkey, T. Dex, Dexty, Snorts... I mean, really the list goes on. He's six years old and is 19 lbs of awesomeness. He loves to cuddle. He and Mae get along fabulously, although it was a little nerve wracking in the beginning. He wasn't fixed, so all he wanted to do was hump Mae and, let me tell you, that is her least favorite thing EVER.

I was a nervous wreck. He couldn't keep his food down, his tail was balding, they weren't getting along, but dang he was cute. So we stuck in it.

Y'all, I highly don't recommend purebred dogs. We were so used to Andi, who basically takes care of herself, and we got thrown into this high maintenance dog. But I guess this is just good practice for when we decide to have little ferrets of our own, am I right? haha.

So, we've have him about 8 months now, and he is still the quirkiest (is that word?!) dog ever, but he is such a huge part of our life and our family. Stay tuned for the many adventures of the Dexy dog. It should make for some good reading. :)

Close eyes. Deep breath. Jump in.

You know when you were a kid and it was too early in the spring to get in the swimming pool, but you were so excited that it was decently warm outside that you just couldn't help yourself? I would always get so nervous thinking about how cold the water would be once I jumped in. But I always knew I'd acclimate to the cold temperature & then be glad I jumped in. Sometimes that's hard for me to remember as an adult: the nervousness and trepidation surrounding doing something is oftentimes worth it in the end.

There are some really big things going on in my life. And I need to write about it, so I can sort my thoughts and document what is surely life-changing stuff. This is for me and no one else. Sorry, but you're just going to have to put on your big girl panties and deal.

So much has happened since I was last here. The thing I'm most glad to report is that the ferret is still in my life and things with him are going swimmingly. In fact, we've even turned things up a notch and last October, he decided to make things legit. Yeah, that's right... The ferret and I are getting hitched and I've been sporting some bling on my left hand. Very pretty bling, if I do say so myself. But that's another story for another time.

Equally notable (and a big reason for why I'm taking up the blogging gig again), he is looking for a job in another state. Several other states. That's right, I'm finally getting the heck out of Texas. Which is super exciting and awesome. But also makes me want to shit my pants.

Originally it started with a plan to move to Portland to be closer to my parents and my brother (who just moved there a week ago), but then it morphed into "well, what would you say about moving to California?" umm, heck yes?! And then, it morphed into "well, I also have offers in Hawaii... ooh and if we go to the East Coast, I'll make even more money." Ummm WHAT? East Coast? Come again?

But then it started to be a very real option. Massachusetts or  New Jersey. I can't handle cold weather, but they do both have good sea food, and it would be easy to travel around and see that part of the US since everything is close together. And we're closer to Europe?? (so maybe I'm stretching a little... haha) I mean we're talking about places I've never even set foot in... not even in the airport.

A big part of me knows that I can be happy anywhere... especially if I'm with my ferret. But this is some crazy shit, y'all. Who knows what this might lead us to? It could be the best decision we've ever made. It could be the worst. But I've spent way to much time in my life being hesitant about things and playing it safe. I didn't do that with ferret and that's one of the reasons why we've had the best relationship. We take chances. We go on adventures. We have fun.

So I just need to look at it as that... another adventure. The good thing about it, is my job said I can work from home. That I won't have to quit my job, so there is that. Which helps. A LOT. But dealing with all this and wedding planning... especially when we are getting married in Oregon so I'm planning it long distance, which adds a little extra stress. We are only having our parents and siblings and my bestie come, so it shouldn't be that difficult/stressful to plan and it hasn't been so far, so that's good. But it still adds an extra element.

This is where I need to rely on my faith. And quit worrying. Worrying is definitely my least favorite characteristic I inherited from my mom, but I'm working on that.

Like I said before, this could be the greatest adventure and the best decision we ever made.

Close eyes. Deep breath. Jump in.

why, hello there.

i really am awful at this blogging thing. i'd blame it on something but i can't quite think of a good excuse.

anywho, just breaking the long tradition of silence on this blog to bring you two super genius observations of life in general. (you thought i was dead, didn't you? i don't blame you) you may want to sit down because these are earth shattering:

1. it is dangerous to eat popcorn while wearing a vneck.

2. it is impossible to eat freshly popped popcorn secretly in a cube at work.

i know. you're impressed. so am i. hence why i had to pop back here to share this great insight.

happy hump day, y'all.

meet miss mae

Happy Friday, everyone!

i'm alive!

which almost wouldn't have been possible if the flying cooler that fell out of the back of a truck on the highway had succeed in brutally assaulting me today. fortunately for me, the mini is nimble and the cooler's evil attempt at manslaughter was thwarted. definitely fortunately for me. maybe fortunately for you if you're reading this. or maybe not. you decide.

if anyone actually read this thing, i'm sure they would have wondered by now where the hell i went for the last four months... but since no one does, i figure i'm safe to sneak back.

life. it has been interesting. to say the least.

i believe last time i was here, i was writing about the wonderfully awful sickness that i have had ever since i got my guardasil shot. well... i'm happy to say that WE HAVE A DIAGNOSIS! woot!

i decided, after about $500 in doctor's visits and tests that yielded no more than a shrug from the doctor, to bite the bullet and go to a homeopathic doctor (read: hippie doctor) that my brother's friend had recommended. yeah, yeah, i know. roll your eyes. i did. but AFTER rolling my eyes, i called the office and set up an appointment.

the office is about thirty minutes from my house... so not super close or anything, which left me plenty of time to freak out about the bazillion things he was going to recommend to me that would ultimately freak me out enough to go back to the regular doctors... or what i then referred to as "real" doctors. electrotherapy shock treatments, sacrificing virgins (speaking of... do you know any just in case? i don't!), ancient burial rituals (wait, do you do those if no one is dead?), the list went on and on...

i walked in the door... everything looked normal. which made me even more suspicious. then i nervously sat in the waiting room and waited (which is kind of redundant now that i think about it). they called my name and i got a tour of the office... here's the chiropractor (normal), here are the restrooms (also normal), here are the exam rooms (extremely normal)... at this point in the tour, i started to feel a little irritated. i mean, i had come up with all these awesomely creepy ideas of what it was going to be like and i was sorely disappointed. where are all the people strumming guitars and playing kumbaya FORGODSAKES?

and then. it was when i saw it. THE PRAYER WALL. i shit you not. who knew hippies were so spiritual? oh wait, i probably should have known. anyway, the chick giving me the tour was going on and on about how much they believe in prayer (which is cool and i fully support this idea) and then put me on the spot and asked me to write something on the wall. well, i'm no good when i'm put on the spot... and all i could think about praying about was that i hoped the tillamook reserve extra sharp white cheddar cheese i had brought back from oregon hadn't gone bad already. so we skipped that part.

after the prayer wall, we came to this giant room with huge windows and a crap load of recliners with people in them... just hanging out... getting IVs. yeah it was weird. kind of looked like some strange science experiment... or maybe aliens had landed and were planning to take over these people's bodies. who knows. apparently, according to my tour guide, these IVs are really helpful and can heal people of many, many sicknesses and implant a tiny computer chip in your vein so you can be tracked at all times. ok, maybe she didn't say the last part. but my brain was more than happy to tell me she did, so i began to freak out... again.

i met with the doctor and he looked me over with a fine toothed comb. i'm serious. i don't think i've ever had anyone ask me as many questions or look me over as thoroughly, so he gets bonus points for that for sure. turns out, i have hypothyroidism... and i'm extremely deficient in vitamin D. so i got prescribed some thyroid meds and was told to take vitamin D every day. easy enough. AND THEN HE HUGGED ME. which was awkward. because i have boundaries, y'all. and letting my doctor touch me in a non-doctorly way is totally infringing on said boundaries. but i let him do it. and my skin crawled the whole time. but you know what? i'm still alive. i guess hugs CAN'T kill you. weird.

ever since i started his regimen he requested i've been feeling a TON better. so... yeah, now i love hippie doctors. i've been converted. fully. i'm even thinking about getting an "i love hippie doctors" tattoo... for some reason the ferret nixed that idea, but whatever... i have ways of changing his mind ;)

p.s.

there was a cockroach in our bed the other night. needless to say mr. bug guy drove his happy butt out to our house to spray the little motherfuckers right this time. kill 'em dead, son!

i ain't sleeping with no cockroaches.

i already have to sleep with a ferret.*

i have limits, y'all.

*disclaimer: he's just a guy that i lovingly refer to as ferret. but still.

p.p.s. i have no idea why but whenever i talk about cockroaches, i slip into redneck mode. it's a habit. hope you're cool with it. it's ok if you're not.

so i've been sick...

for the last month. i've had a fever anywhere from 99-101 for 2.5 weeks straight. i've been to the doctor twice. they gave me antibiotics the first time. didn't work. gave me stronger antibiotics... still not working...

supposedly i have strep. but i *barely* have strep. because the strep test was barely positive. someone, please explain that idea. it's positive or it's not. you had sex or you didn't. playing just the tip counts as full blown intercourse. i don't care who you are.

and *obviously* this is the time of year where we are extremely short-staffed and have way too many projects so i just have to go to work sick. i can't work from home or take a sick day. which may or may not be impeding my road to recovery. i'm going to lean towards "may" but that's just me.

the worst part about being sick was that i didn't get to participate in the crackfest that is the st. paddy's day parade on greenville. well, i got to ride my bike around and stare at the trainwrecks happening and watch the cluster from my couch, but i didn't get to partake in being a drunken hooker like the rest of the females in the m streets area. i don't know if you have ever been to these festivities but i must say there are about a million people in a small amount of space with a cumulative average IQ of less than barney the giant purple dinosaur.

i'm not kidding, y'all.

we rode our bikes up to check out the parade... but the mass of bodies prohibited us from getting too close. which was probably a good thing since we watched contagion the other night (pretty good movie, FYI) and i'm now convinced that i have the disease they had in the movie since my antibiotics are not fixing my strep. and i don't want to be in trouble for infecting the entire world and wiping out the human race. just sayin.

although... at least then i'd be famous.

so. back to the topic. the sad excuse of a parade. which was really tons of people on top of trailers throwing beads (am i in new orleans? is this mardi gras? apparently so). so then we ride our bikes back to the house... it was like playing drunk frogger... where we were frogger and we had to weave through all these drunk people. drunk people who were very excited about our shiny green bikes (seriously, we didn't think it through). we made it home with very few casualties and spent the rest of the day/evening creeping on the drunk zombies.

we saw two girls pee in our side yard. yep. GIRLS. i know what you're feeling right now... i, too, was ashamed to have a vagina. especially after one of the girls kind of fell over sideways into her bathroom area as she was pulling up her pants. hope she's riding home in the back of someone's truck... otherwise someone is going to be really angry that their upholstery smells.

then we saw a drunk guy (wearing cowboy boots, mind you...) basically humping the horse of a mounted police officer. he was caressing the horse and loving the horse and i'm sure i saw a little tongue action... and then he offered the police officer a beer. are you kidding me? that just spells A-R-R-E-S-T  M-E. don't you think? fortunately for this little equine lover, the police officer just laughed and kind of shooed him away.

we saw lots of people passed out on the street. CLASSY.

we saw lots of people with BABIES. WTF? seriously, people? this is a category 11 boozefest and you want to bring your newborn child?

"hey, do you mind holding junior for a moment? i need to shotgun my 20th beer of the night and then get us home safely."

"baby looked bored, so i decided to let him partake in the festivities by adding beer to his bottle... he seems to be having much more fun now."

"is that baby holding a blunt or a cigarette?"

it was really ridiculous. but then i felt comforted. if these people are surviving with living children, i will be a stellar parent. no lie.

last but not least of the night were the drunk girls leaving greenville ave and drunkenly approaching every dude they came across and trying to hit on them. every. single. guy. fortunately after 10 dudes turned them down, they found 2 that took them up on their offer. good for you. see? persistence is a virtue.

i'm just glad i had a front-row ticket to the craziness. yay for living right off of greenville.

go me!

and, if you don't mind, can you please hope i feel better soon or something? i'm working on the healing, but i seem to be doing a shitty job of it. pleaseandthankyou.