meet miss mae

Happy Friday, everyone!

i WOULD pick friday the 13th...

to do my first post of the new year... but alas, this friday the 13th has been no more horrific than any other day. for me, at least... my friend from high school was in labor for 15 hours starting yesterday afternoon and finally gave birth to a precious baby girl early this morning... so i'm sure that was rather horrific, but at least she got the reward of her newborn bundle of joy...

who am i kidding? labor for 15 hours is probably cake compared to the months that follow filled with no sleep, poopy diapers, shittons of crying and did i mention NO SLEEP?! when i get no sleep (read: when i get less than 8 hours of sleep because after less than 8 hours of sleep i am just a shell of the person i used to be), the world ENDS. i am a zombie and i cannot function. pair that with a screaming, pooping mess & i'm pretty sure i'll start having visions of throwing my child out of the window... i don't care how cute it is when it's actually sleeping five minutes at a time. i'm probably unfit for child bearing/rearing. oh well, at least i have time to work through such issues.

enough about babies... (since i've been hearing a lot about them lately)...

i'm sure you've all been anxiously awaiting my new year's resolutions... actually i'm sure you haven't because honestly i haven't even thought about them and they're mine. so i'm sure you care even less than i do... but ALAS...

NY RESOLUTIONS 2012
1. become more independent... sad to say i am one of those people who constantly needs to be entertained... and not by myself, by other people. i am one of those people, when left to the choice to hang out with them self or some friends, will pick my friends over me every single time. for some reason, i have a sneaking suspicion that that's not cool.
2. eat more cheese fries... i consumed a lot this summer during what i would call "the dark time" (aka the divorce days) but have really slacked for the rest of the year. this year, i vow to consume cheese fries more consistently.
3. stand up for myself... i'm one of those people that's really nice (i'm sure, you're surprised... i understand, but this is the one place where i really speak my mind)... so nice that i let people walk all over me and don't ask them for what i need because i'm afraid to make them go out of their way. then when someone takes advantage of my niceness, i get hurt and act all surprised. hey, idiot, letting people walk all over you is just as bad as them walking all over you. 'nuff said.
4. see the ghost... sooo we all know that i had a ghost at the last place i lived at with my (now, ex-)roommate... well, it turns out that in the duplex i currently live at that the guy next door had passed away... i'm CONVINCED that his spirit is still wandering the property. so, here's to you, tex... hopefully we'll meet sometime in the near future.
5. have fun, make no apologies for having fun... self-explanatory. 2011 sucked, so now it's time to make up for it in 2012. i'm already making headway towards this goal as sara and i are shooting a wedding in england in october... happy birthday to ME! which is already shittons better than my asshat of a birthday month this year where i got divorced. see? resolutions CAN come true :)

also, i probably need to sleep more... but i'm not going to make an official resolution out of it because i'm absolutely positive that there's no way it will happen... we can sleep when we're dead, right?

in other news... miss moo has recently received three stuffed rats as presents... i bought her the first one from my brave venture to ikea by myself ON A SATURDAY (i know, i'm a masochist) and then ferret got her two more when he ventured to ikea by himself on a WEEKDAY during the day... yeah, i know... weaksauce. he should probably step it up... miss moo can't choose between the three and instead is spending countless hours trying to figure out how to juggle all three at one time... she's making great strides toward perfection but most of the time she likes to run around the house in circles on an invisible race track with one of them secured in the clutches of her jowls... it's cute. for. now.

hope everyone had a happy new year... happy MLK, Jr weekend... am i the only person that's angry i don't get monday off? i'm going to eat fried chicken in protest. way to stick it to the man, huh?

this is probably longer than anyone wants to read, so feel free to skim it...

i paid $11 to sleep through a movie the other night. i also got attacked by a small dog the size of a wiener (otherwise known as a wiener dog). i got alcohol poisoning for only the second time in my life. i ditched a guy trying to accost my roommate (roomie... please note that names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent) by saying that my boyfriend had lost my dog... let's just say that i'm not a good actress. i also saved a small cat from uncertain death in a tree.

true story. well, except for the cat part. and this all happened in a little over a week from the last time i blogged. try and tell me that i don't live a crazy life.

last tuesday was my first non-wedding anniversary. i felt like i had to do something to commemorate it since i wasn't really planning on being sad... so i took my girls out to stan's down the street and proceed to get wastey. hardcore wastey. i'm talking two beers, a pitcher, 3.5 shots and two more beers wastey. from what i remember, we had a really good time. ferret wasn't around because he had a scream-o concert to attend (and from the video he sent me, i'm pretty glad i didn't go... even the short clip gave me a major migraine... but to each their own!), but he did manage to come by the house after to find me passed out in bed... apparently i had a full conversation with him but i remembered none of it in the morning. at least i managed to finish puking black stuff before he came over. apparently i also managed to brag about brushing my teeth before he came over. i only remember bits & pieces. which means we were extremely successful in our quest to get wastey. i like to think of us as overachievers. don't be jealous.

this was the night that we ditched the guy trying to get with roomie by buying us shots and beer by telling him my man had lost my dog. roomie legitimately freaked out despite my horrible acting skills. i blame the alcohol. sorry, ferret, for blaming you for losing my dog. it wasn't your fault. yes, you can make it up to me sometime.

that night helped me remember why i don't drink that much. so there was another major positive out of the night.

my mom has been in town since last week and we've been busy tearing up the town. she's from oregon, the great hippie state, so i've been trying to find super granola places to take her in d-town so she feels at home. we went to bolsa market on friday night in the ghetto bishop arts district. while we were driving there she kept asking me if i was sure that we were going the right way... i guess she's not used to seeing families brandishing glocks sitting on the porch... but i quickly explained that the family that shoots together stays together. she didn't seem so sure about that.

we met her financial planner for dinner and spent the whole time talking about how a guy that gets paid to advise people about money is really horrible at managing his own money. kind of ironic, but funny nonetheless. of course there was some time spent breaking wine glasses (my mom is a lightweight) and a mexican dude almost assaulted me... but i later found out that he's my neighbor and just wanted to say hi. i'm really bad at remembering people. especially when they live right next to me. call me an asshole. i'm used to it. but to be fair, he just recently moved next door.

saturday night we decided to go eat at la duni... one of my favorite restaurants in dallas and then watch the movie dreamhouse. it didn't start until 10:30... as soon as we arrived in the movie theater, i decided it would be more fun to watch the movie horizontally, so i laid down. and fell. asleep. i literally paid $11 to increase my neck and back pain and watch the back of my eyelids. roomie insisted the movie was awesome. at least it wasn't a total fail.

sunday, ferret came over and made us german pancakes and bacon with brown sugar and dijon on it... super yummy. i don't know how i got so lucky that boy can cook, but since i have the cooking abilities of a five year old i'm super glad. i mean peanut butter and jelly is one of my specialties... i'm not kidding, y'all.

then we walked around white rock lake to kill some time before the dexter premiere. i tried to push the button for the fountain so miss mae (my adorable pit/lab/bat/horse mix, see photo below) could get a drink, but found that i didn't know my own weakness and was unable to get the fountain to work. cody made a comment about me having the strength of a five year old... and he ended up getting a mouthful of water in the face. lesson. taught. at least i hope he learned something from the whole experience... however i'm sure with how hot it was, the water actually felt good... whatever, it was fun regardless.

here's miss mae:

if you turn your head to the right, then the picture totally works. i'm completely unsure of how to rotate the photo in this thing, so you're just going to have to work with me here.

as you can tell... part lab... part pit... part bat? and maybe some horse thrown in there... and some jaguar because she saunters when she walks. but this is my babygirl :)

mom went to dinner with my brother and his friend and came back right before dexter started so we had to postpone the premier until after they left... during which time roomie's dog tried to attack brother's dog and bit me in the proccess. it's swollen and bruised, but he didn't break the skin. which is a good thing since i'm super accident prone. at least i already got a tetanus shot this year when i busted it in the rangers parking lot on a bright red curb. see? i wasn't kidding about the accident-proneness.

the dexter premiere rocked, but i of course managed to fall asleep before the end. sometimes i feel like i'm an 80 year old woman trapped in a 25 almost 26 year old's body. anyone else feel like that? no? just me? of course.