jump out of a perfectly good plane? don't mind if i do...

as of this last sunday, i'm finally in my late twenties. *sigh* i mean, i knew it was going to happen one day or another, so i'm glad to get this milestone down now.

also, as of last monday, i'm officially divorced. i'm free, y'all. now if only i could get our house sold so it is completely over and i have 1,526 times less stress in my life. that's what i want for my birthday. p.s. the homebuyers these days are extremely picky and i have a hard time dealing with their dumb comments... you're really not going to pick my house because you don't like the paint colors? weaksauce. soooooo if i could get the saints and gods to align for me in order to get that little piece of heaven in the burbs sold that would be awesome. k thanks.

back to the birthday awesomeness... ferret told me he had a little surprise for me... which required getting up at 8 am on a saturday to go hiking. i'm not kidding you. i thought this kid knew me. apparently i was wrong. early saturday mornings + hiking + cam do NOT mix. because of his last name, i rudely lovingly refer to him as ferret... sooooo he also mentioned that we were hiking to a ferret farm so i could pick out a REAL ferret for my birthday. happy birthday to me. being the sweet girlfriend that i am, i complained the entire time we were driving and threatened to do equally unfun things to him for his birthday... that is, until we pulled up to the skydiving place. holy hell, y'all, i completely lost my shit, started screaming and immediately declared him the best boyfriend of life. because clearly best boyfriend of the year wasn't enough for such an awesome present. he even got me a video and still photos so i could prove to people how crazy i am.
obviously i have a screw loose because i lacked even the least bit of nervousness... & i can't tell you how glad i am that i did it. seriously one of the coolest things i've ever done in my life. all thanks to my awesome boyfriend. i take it back about doing something lame for your birthday... now i totally have some stepping it up to do in the present department :)

we also got a group together to go eat at nosh... it's an extremely awesome restaurant in dallas off of oak lawn for serious foodies. everything we ate was absolutely fantastic and i highly recommend it. AND everyone has an awesome attitude and is super helpful as far as the staff goes. after nosh, we took an even bigger group out to teddy's... it's a club with burlesque shows a couple times a night. despite the fact that i almost faceplanted on the way in and then we got poured on on the way out it was tons of fun. especially the part where i got hit on by a creepy dude when ferret was closing the tab. dallas guys are ridiculous and have a hard time dealing with rejection. wait, i guess that's guys in general. or people in general. whatevs. oh and the DJ kept spinning LMFAO... one of my least favorite bands of all time. thankfully i had all my best friends and my amazing boyfriend to make the night fun despite all the craziness. best. birthday. ever.

plus, my roomie is amazing & made me the cutest ninja turtle birthday cake. try not to be jealous. it will be hard.

carrot top is alive & well

howdy, y'all... as we like to say in texas. not that i've ever openly admitted to the fact that i'm from texas except for all intensive blog purposes, but that'll do. in fact, most of the time i claim seattle as my hometown... even though i lived there from ages -7.5 months to 4 years (i was a preemie) and have served the majority of my life sentence down here in hell texas. i'm largely in denial. and that's a theme that seems prevalent in many areas of my life.

i turn 26 in roughly a month. and i'm getting divorced. which just so happily will happen less than a week before i venture into my "late twenties." happy birthday... you're divorced. believe it or not, this was all a part of my master life plan.

hopefully you're no stranger to the use of sarcasm. i'm sarcasm's best friend. and worst enemy. which doesn't really make sense, but seemed to fit, so i wrote it anyway. sue me. but i digress...

so i went to a concert at house of blues last night with my boyfriend to see some largely unheard of bands: run run run, remington, missile and (my favorite which sounds like if MGMT and foster the people had a lovechild out of wedlock) gentlemen hall. it was definitely good stuff... if you're looking to drop some scrilla on itunes, i highly recommend gentlemen hall's CD "when we all disappear"... it's the best $5.94 you'll ever spend. TRUST. so anyway... we're just hanging out... watching all the underage high school kids trying to be cool and dancing... let me tell you... there is something incredibly ego-boosting about watching white kids at an alternative concert try to be cool and dance. but then we felt like assholes because we were some of the oldest people at the concert. touche, awfully dancing and uncool white kids. touche.

my man managed to run off to the restroom and while i was standing there trying to enjoy a little personal time, out of the corner of my eye, i spot old man time staring at me... wait, no... he was more than staring... he was eye fucking me. with a gaze of pure enjoyment. i quickly tried to ensure that my ass wasn't hanging out of my super short dress, grabbed my shit and ran. just the idea of wrinkly balls scares me, y'all.

so there i am stressing out... texting my boyfriend to come back and save me... practicing my loud neighing skills in case old man time decides to upgrade from across the room eye fucking to full on old man on late 20's girl raping and my man shows up on his white steed in full armour to rescue me. i was so happy to see him and escape the impending pillaging that i forgot to ask him where he found the horse.

then i spotted carrot top. who almost molested the couple standing behind us who looked like they were having a fabulous time by standing still with these awesome grimaces on their faces (remember what i said about sarcasm. get used to it if you're not). or he could have almost molested the drunk girl with her white shirt half falling off. either one. i wasn't sure what his target was because before i knew it, our steed carried us off into the parking lot so we could safely make it home despite the crazy crowd orgies that were going on.

all in all, it was a good night. especially since we narrowly escaped pillaging. oh and the music was cool, too.

moral of the story: don't get left by yourself in a crowd at a concert. especially not at a concert that old man time & carrot top decide to attend. unless your man finds a random white steed to carry you to safety.