tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-86568782947660678082024-03-04T23:28:39.248-08:00the misadventures of camcamall the lightshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492450094433691995noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8656878294766067808.post-955215540961732662014-03-10T13:20:00.000-07:002014-03-10T13:20:19.064-07:00the neverending saga of the mother of the bride dress...<br />
I have everything planned for our wedding. Well, you know, all of the BIG things. There are still a few outstanding items that will need to be decided prior to August 2nd.<br />
<br />
OH! I ALMOST FORGOT!!! We're NOT moving, y'all! We decided that it was just too crazy to try to pull off a move and get married in the same year. We're going to wait until 2015 and then reassess the moving situation - this time we'll try to head West instead of East, too. All in all, I'm very happy with this decision.<br />
<br />
So, here are the things that I've crossed off my list:<br />
- Venue - Lincoln City, Oregon beach<br />
- Reception dinner - the lady from the Inn where we are staying is catering our dinner/cake <br />
- Invitation list - Only our immediate families and their significant others and then my bestie and her husband... no kids!<br />
- Dress - I found it on BHLDN for half off and ordered it - it was perfect!<br />
- Invitations - I had them specially designed on etsy and I have them in my posession<br />
- Floral designer<br />
- Photographer - This was actually number one on my list. We had our engagement photos the other day and I will share them in a later blog post... they. are. awesome.<br />
- Wedding jewelry<br />
- Officiant<br />
- Hair - luckily my brother is a hair stylist<br />
- Make up artist<br />
<br />
So, like I said... I have a few things I still need to nail down, but I'm mostly done. The whole entire thing has been really easy and even fun, however, there has been one kink thrown into everything: MY MOTHER.<br />
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She had asked me what she should wear... I showed her pics of what I was wearing, what bestie was wearing and we talked about what I envisioned for everyone else... I guess I wasn't clear because here are the first two dresses that she sent me...<br />
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Yup. Totally neutral/solid. And long. Good job, Mom.<br />
<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8X14bSHX3VTwxI6z5zDmpa0JmuGrp9yD2Go2VgILTPJ848Xm8Feevy8h7ihS-yKWcJD_0yUf0o8dL8zC0twruu3qdKsXOXZM_SQ0LSyxe7qRAlw0xJxK9Yd1zBc6nee_ejnpruVZjGIQJ/s1600/dress+1.jpg" height="320" width="271" /><br />
<br />
or this one... which SAYS IN THE TITLE THAT IT IS A SWIMSUIT COVERUP!!!<br />
<a href="http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/elan-stripe-convertible-cover-up-maxi-dress/3613724?cm_cat=TEXTNORD&cm_ite=966125&cm_pla=FriendEmail&cm_ven=OrderCorrespondence&origin=sendtofriend">My Mom really is this crazy... Sorry I couldn't get the picture to paste.</a><br />
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Ugh. So after THOSE disasters, I decided to call her and reiterate my three requirements:<br />
1. It is neutral, solid color<br />
2. It is long<br />
3. It is not made of jersey material<br />
<br />
Am I asking too much?! (That was rhetorical, by the way...)<br />
<br />
So I think we are FINALLY on the same page. I had pinterested some dress ideas for her. We finally agreed on a couple. I am feeling much better about the whole scenario.<br />
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Cut to several days later when she sends me a BRIGHT RED anthro dress. <a href="http://www.anthropologie.com/anthro/product/clothes-dresses/29929643.jsp?cm_sp=Grid-_-29929643-_-Large_125">This dress is definitely not a neutral color.</a><br />
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That woman is giving me a heart attack! I thought maybe I was just being a bridezilla, but I even double checked with the ferret and he agreed that I was not being crazy.<br />
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I mean, I am paying good money for an awesome photographer and I don't want her messing up the photos. I would love to buy the photos that he takes for us of our family, but maybe that is asking too much.<br />
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I'm officially spent. Wish me luck that this "situation" improves over the next couple weeks...all the lightshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492450094433691995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8656878294766067808.post-34461653967875520792014-01-21T15:23:00.000-08:002014-01-21T15:23:05.586-08:00meet snorty mcsnortsalot.Last May, the ferret and I happened upon a posting on facebook by one of his friends giving up the cutest of cute french bulldogs. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it), we have *slight* obsession with frenchies (read: MAJOR OBSESSION), so after thinking about it for at least five minutes, we decided to message his friend and tell him that we would take him, arrange for shipment from UTAH and that we were super excited about our new family member.<br />
<br />
You have met Mae Mae, so now you must meet Titus Dexter, or Dexter as we call him.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1NC46GWculfyO6-sLlHPuis9PJRR-Rs_fiq-8HpaF0McommWrzU2t6m0Vj7433kEILvej9nqnR1_7O_LOMaTXgbEcizLJksey3jnOM3877PhtrHA1fuO4WdBk19PYBmBzjko_IXIcsI2x/s1600/dexie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1NC46GWculfyO6-sLlHPuis9PJRR-Rs_fiq-8HpaF0McommWrzU2t6m0Vj7433kEILvej9nqnR1_7O_LOMaTXgbEcizLJksey3jnOM3877PhtrHA1fuO4WdBk19PYBmBzjko_IXIcsI2x/s1600/dexie.jpg" height="400" width="240" /></a></div>
I know, I know, he's really cute, isn't he? Titus was his old name, but we liked Dexter, so we gave him that as a middle name and then call him by his middle name, like we do to Andi Mae. Dexter, Dex, Dexy Dog, Snorty, Yuck Mouth, Monkey, T. Dex, Dexty, Snorts... I mean, really the list goes on. He's six years old and is 19 lbs of awesomeness. He loves to cuddle. He and Mae get along fabulously, although it was a little nerve wracking in the beginning. He wasn't fixed, so all he wanted to do was hump Mae and, let me tell you, that is her least favorite thing EVER. <br />
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I was a nervous wreck. He couldn't keep his food down, his tail was balding, they weren't getting along, but dang he was cute. So we stuck in it.<br />
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Y'all, I highly don't recommend purebred dogs. We were so used to Andi, who basically takes care of herself, and we got thrown into this high maintenance dog. But I guess this is just good practice for when we decide to have little ferrets of our own, am I right? haha.<br />
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So, we've have him about 8 months now, and he is still the quirkiest (is that word?!) dog ever, but he is such a huge part of our life and our family. Stay tuned for the many adventures of the Dexy dog. It should make for some good reading. :)all the lightshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492450094433691995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8656878294766067808.post-52716208308959747382014-01-20T09:40:00.002-08:002014-01-20T09:41:15.465-08:00Close eyes. Deep breath. Jump in.You know when you were a kid and it was too early in the spring to get in the swimming pool, but you were so excited that it was decently warm outside that you just couldn't help yourself? I would always get so nervous thinking about how cold the water would be once I jumped in. But I always knew I'd acclimate to the cold temperature & then be glad I jumped in. Sometimes that's hard for me to remember as an adult: the nervousness and trepidation surrounding doing something is oftentimes worth it in the end.<br />
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There are some really big things going on in my life. And I need to write about it, so I can sort my thoughts and document what is surely life-changing stuff. This is for me and no one else. Sorry, but you're just going to have to put on your big girl panties and deal.</div>
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So much has happened since I was last here. The thing I'm most glad to report is that the ferret is still in my life and things with him are going swimmingly. In fact, we've even turned things up a notch and last October, he decided to make things legit. Yeah, that's right... The ferret and I are getting hitched and I've been sporting some bling on my left hand. Very pretty bling, if I do say so myself. But that's another story for another time.</div>
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Equally notable (and a big reason for why I'm taking up the blogging gig again), he is looking for a job in another state. Several other states. That's right, I'm finally getting the heck out of Texas. Which is super exciting and awesome. But also makes me want to shit my pants.<br />
<br />
Originally it started with a plan to move to Portland to be closer to my parents and my brother (who just moved there a week ago), but then it morphed into "well, what would you say about moving to California?" umm, heck yes?! And then, it morphed into "well, I also have offers in Hawaii... ooh and if we go to the East Coast, I'll make even more money." Ummm WHAT? East Coast? Come again?<br />
<br />
But then it started to be a very real option. Massachusetts or New Jersey. I can't handle cold weather, but they do both have good sea food, and it would be easy to travel around and see that part of the US since everything is close together. And we're closer to Europe?? (so maybe I'm stretching a little... haha) I mean we're talking about places I've never even set foot in... not even in the airport.<br />
<br />
A big part of me knows that I can be happy anywhere... especially if I'm with my ferret. But this is some crazy shit, y'all. Who knows what this might lead us to? It could be the best decision we've ever made. It could be the worst. But I've spent way to much time in my life being hesitant about things and playing it safe. I didn't do that with ferret and that's one of the reasons why we've had the best relationship. We take chances. We go on adventures. We have fun.<br />
<br />
So I just need to look at it as that... another adventure. The good thing about it, is my job said I can work from home. That I won't have to quit my job, so there is that. Which helps. A LOT. But dealing with all this and wedding planning... especially when we are getting married in Oregon so I'm planning it long distance, which adds a little extra stress. We are only having our parents and siblings and my bestie come, so it shouldn't be that difficult/stressful to plan and it hasn't been so far, so that's good. But it still adds an extra element.<br />
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This is where I need to rely on my faith. And quit worrying. Worrying is definitely my least favorite characteristic I inherited from my mom, but I'm working on that.<br />
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Like I said before, this could be the greatest adventure and the best decision we ever made.<br />
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Close eyes. Deep breath. Jump in.</div>
all the lightshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492450094433691995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8656878294766067808.post-69619845679370202882013-05-01T13:25:00.003-07:002013-05-01T13:26:07.836-07:00why, hello there.i really am awful at this blogging thing. i'd blame it on something but i can't quite think of a good excuse.<br />
<br />
anywho, just breaking the long tradition of silence on this blog to bring you two super genius observations of life in general. (you thought i was dead, didn't you? i don't blame you) you may want to sit down because these are earth shattering:<br />
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1. it is dangerous to eat popcorn while wearing a vneck.<br />
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2. it is impossible to eat freshly popped popcorn secretly in a cube at work.<br />
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i know. you're impressed. so am i. hence why i had to pop back here to share this great insight.<br />
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happy hump day, y'all.all the lightshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492450094433691995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8656878294766067808.post-6552977758288870582012-08-24T12:53:00.004-07:002012-08-24T12:54:43.680-07:00meet miss mae<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvzMrl5vf6as70ku_KhTcEF86pKPnUhH1NBURtzVXO20mqcyMFhEswrKNUaJ1jy6C6mtOvJNbZximdnAn7OExL4LOaqpRlm_nHAxju4KBFunER4caVADl70dUsEfFfEWxWC62E3Ss8mpjY/s1600/missmae.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="494" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvzMrl5vf6as70ku_KhTcEF86pKPnUhH1NBURtzVXO20mqcyMFhEswrKNUaJ1jy6C6mtOvJNbZximdnAn7OExL4LOaqpRlm_nHAxju4KBFunER4caVADl70dUsEfFfEWxWC62E3Ss8mpjY/s640/missmae.jpg" width="640" yda="true" /></a></div>
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Happy Friday, everyone!all the lightshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492450094433691995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8656878294766067808.post-28153142602635707542012-08-08T18:31:00.000-07:002012-08-08T18:31:09.965-07:00i'm alive!which almost wouldn't have been possible if the flying cooler that fell out of the back of a truck on the highway had succeed in brutally assaulting me today. fortunately for me, the mini is nimble and the cooler's evil attempt at manslaughter was thwarted. definitely fortunately for me. maybe fortunately for you if you're reading this. or maybe not. you decide.<br />
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if anyone actually read this thing, i'm sure they would have wondered by now where the hell i went for the last four months... but since no one does, i figure i'm safe to sneak back.<br />
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life. it has been interesting. to say the least.<br />
<br />
i believe last time i was here, i was writing about the wonderfully awful sickness that i have had ever since i got my guardasil shot. well... i'm happy to say that WE HAVE A DIAGNOSIS! woot!<br />
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i decided, after about $500 in doctor's visits and tests that yielded no more than a shrug from the doctor, to bite the bullet and go to a homeopathic doctor (read: hippie doctor) that my brother's friend had recommended. yeah, yeah, i know. roll your eyes. i did. but AFTER rolling my eyes, i called the office and set up an appointment.<br />
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the office is about thirty minutes from my house... so not super close or anything, which left me plenty of time to freak out about the bazillion things he was going to recommend to me that would ultimately freak me out enough to go back to the regular doctors... or what i then referred to as "real" doctors. electrotherapy shock treatments, sacrificing virgins (speaking of... do you know any just in case? i don't!), ancient burial rituals (wait, do you do those if no one is dead?), the list went on and on...<br />
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i walked in the door... everything looked normal. which made me even more suspicious. then i nervously sat in the waiting room and waited (which is kind of redundant now that i think about it). they called my name and i got a tour of the office... here's the chiropractor (normal), here are the restrooms (also normal), here are the exam rooms (extremely normal)... at this point in the tour, i started to feel a little irritated. i mean, i had come up with all these awesomely creepy ideas of what it was going to be like and i was sorely disappointed. where are all the people strumming guitars and playing kumbaya FORGODSAKES?<br />
<br />
and then. it was when i saw it. THE PRAYER WALL. i shit you not. who knew hippies were so spiritual? oh wait, i probably should have known. anyway, the chick giving me the tour was going on and on about how much they believe in prayer (which is cool and i fully support this idea) and then put me on the spot and asked me to write something on the wall. well, i'm no good when i'm put on the spot... and all i could think about praying about was that i hoped the tillamook reserve extra sharp white cheddar cheese i had brought back from oregon hadn't gone bad already. so we skipped that part.<br />
<br />
after the prayer wall, we came to this giant room with huge windows and a crap load of recliners with people in them... just hanging out... getting IVs. yeah it was weird. kind of looked like some strange science experiment... or maybe aliens had landed and were planning to take over these people's bodies. who knows. apparently, according to my tour guide, these IVs are really helpful and can heal people of many, many sicknesses and implant a tiny computer chip in your vein so you can be tracked at all times. ok, maybe she didn't say the last part. but my brain was more than happy to tell me she did, so i began to freak out... again.<br />
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i met with the doctor and he looked me over with a fine toothed comb. i'm serious. i don't think i've ever had anyone ask me as many questions or look me over as thoroughly, so he gets bonus points for that for sure. turns out, i have hypothyroidism... and i'm extremely deficient in vitamin D. so i got prescribed some thyroid meds and was told to take vitamin D every day. easy enough. AND THEN HE HUGGED ME. which was awkward. because i have boundaries, y'all. and letting my doctor touch me in a non-doctorly way is totally infringing on said boundaries. but i let him do it. and my skin crawled the whole time. but you know what? i'm still alive. i guess hugs CAN'T kill you. weird.<br />
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ever since i started his regimen he requested i've been feeling a TON better. so... yeah, now i love hippie doctors. i've been converted. fully. i'm even thinking about getting an "i love hippie doctors" tattoo... for some reason the ferret nixed that idea, but whatever... i have ways of changing his mind ;)all the lightshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492450094433691995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8656878294766067808.post-56695231225453762332012-03-28T14:42:00.000-07:002012-03-28T14:42:01.004-07:00p.s.there was a cockroach <strong>in our bed</strong> the other night. needless to say mr. bug guy drove his happy butt out to our house to spray the little motherfuckers right this time. kill 'em dead, son!<br />
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<em>i ain't sleeping with no cockroaches.</em> <br />
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i already have to sleep with a ferret.* <br />
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i have limits, y'all.<br />
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*disclaimer: he's just a guy that i lovingly refer to as ferret. but <strong>still.</strong><br />
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p.p.s. i have no idea why but whenever i talk about cockroaches, i slip into redneck mode. it's a habit. hope you're cool with it. it's ok if you're not.all the lightshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492450094433691995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8656878294766067808.post-91636264293398751802012-03-28T14:36:00.000-07:002012-03-28T14:36:23.765-07:00so i've been sick...for the last month. i've had a fever anywhere from 99-101 for 2.5 weeks straight. i've been to the doctor twice. they gave me antibiotics the first time. didn't work. gave me stronger antibiotics... still not working... <br />
<br />
supposedly i have strep. but i *barely* have strep. because the strep test was barely positive. someone, please explain that idea. it's positive or it's not. you had sex or you didn't. playing just the tip counts as full blown intercourse. i don't care who you are.<br />
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and *obviously* this is the time of year where we are extremely short-staffed and have way too many projects so i just have to go to work sick. i can't work from home or take a sick day. which may or may not be impeding my road to recovery. i'm going to lean towards "may" but that's just me.<br />
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the worst part about being sick was that i didn't get to participate in the crackfest that is the st. paddy's day parade on greenville. well, i got to ride my bike around and stare at the trainwrecks happening and watch the cluster from my couch, but i didn't get to partake in being a drunken hooker like the rest of the females in the m streets area. i don't know if you have ever been to these festivities but i must say there are about a million people in a small amount of space with a cumulative average IQ of less than barney the giant purple dinosaur.<br />
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i'm not kidding, y'all.<br />
<br />
we rode our bikes up to check out the parade... but the mass of bodies prohibited us from getting too close. which was probably a good thing since we watched contagion the other night (pretty good movie, FYI) and i'm now convinced that i have the disease they had in the movie since my antibiotics are not fixing my strep. and i don't want to be in trouble for infecting the entire world and wiping out the human race. just sayin. <br />
<br />
although... at least then i'd be famous.<br />
<br />
so. back to the topic. the sad excuse of a parade. which was really tons of people on top of trailers throwing beads (am i in new orleans? is this mardi gras? apparently so). so then we ride our bikes back to the house... it was like playing drunk frogger... where we were frogger and we had to weave through all these drunk people. drunk people who were very excited about our shiny green bikes (seriously, we didn't think it through). we made it home with very few casualties and spent the rest of the day/evening creeping on the drunk zombies. <br />
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we saw two girls pee in our side yard. yep. GIRLS. i know what you're feeling right now... i, too, was ashamed to have a vagina. especially after one of the girls kind of fell over sideways into her bathroom area as she was pulling up her pants. hope she's riding home in the back of someone's truck... otherwise someone is going to be really angry that their upholstery smells.<br />
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then we saw a drunk guy (wearing cowboy boots, mind you...) basically humping the horse of a mounted police officer. he was caressing the horse and loving the horse and i'm sure i saw a little tongue action... and then <em>he offered the police officer a beer.</em> are you kidding me? that just spells A-R-R-E-S-T M-E. don't you think? fortunately for this little equine lover, the police officer just laughed and kind of shooed him away. <br />
<br />
we saw lots of people passed out on the street. CLASSY.<br />
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we saw lots of people with BABIES. WTF? seriously, people? this is a category 11 boozefest and you want to bring your newborn child?<br />
<br />
"hey, do you mind holding junior for a moment? i need to shotgun my 20th beer of the night and then get us home safely."<br />
<br />
"baby looked bored, so i decided to let him partake in the festivities by adding beer to his bottle... he seems to be having much more fun now."<br />
<br />
"is that baby holding a blunt or a cigarette?"<br />
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it was really ridiculous. but then i felt comforted. if these people are surviving with living children, i will be a <strong>stellar parent.</strong> no lie.<br />
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last but not least of the night were the drunk girls leaving greenville ave and drunkenly approaching every dude they came across and trying to hit on them. every. single. guy. fortunately after 10 dudes turned them down, they found 2 that took them up on their offer. good for you. see? persistence is a virtue.<br />
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i'm just glad i had a front-row ticket to the craziness. yay for living right off of greenville.<br />
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go me!<br />
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and, if you don't mind, can you please hope i feel better soon or something? i'm working on the healing, but i seem to be doing a shitty job of it. pleaseandthankyou.all the lightshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492450094433691995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8656878294766067808.post-57551184787072448062012-03-08T15:14:00.000-08:002012-03-08T15:14:02.245-08:00avoidance...it's almost as ugly as jealousy... but, here i am, fully partaking in a covert operation to avoid my blog so i can avoid having to write about the momster visit. and, dear blog, for that i am sorry. it's not that anything bad happened or that nothing blog-worthy happened. it's just... i kind of blacked out from being nervous during the entire thing, so i only remember bits and pieces... true gems...<br />
<br />
like when i yelled...<br />
"the bible is stupid."<br />
-OR- "get the fuck out of my kitchen or i will stab you with this spatula."<br />
<br />
-OR- when i contemplated picking up a knitting class. i even called bestie to ask her to enroll in it with me. apparently her oldness is wearing off on me.<br />
<br />
-OR- when i threw her annoying wiener dog out the window of a fast-moving car because she was being whiny. ok, that one didn't happen. but i DID contemplate it.<br />
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soooo late one night... after we've all been drinking (which honestly was probably a bad idea to begin with), my momster decides to start quizzing the ferret on his religious beliefs. (honestly, woman, where is your TACT?) and this lasts for 3 hours... during which she starts out being all sweet and inquisitive and then spouting out ridiculous facts and how she cannot believe the crazy stuff they put in the book of mormon. i'm like, "oh really, woman? you believe in burning bushes talking and seas parting and all the other crazy stories in the bible, but you're going to hinge your disbelief in mormonism on the fact that the book of mormon has some far-fetched stories in it? and because of these far-fetched stories you basically think the book of mormon is stupid? well, then following THAT logic, the bible is stupid, too!"<br />
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obviously not my finest moment, but my mama bear claws came out and i had to protect my baby ferret. although he handled it a lot more gracefully than i did. i don't care what your beliefs are, please don't attack others' beliefs and call them dumb. especially not the person i'm in love with... who doesn't practice that religion anymore but just grew up in it. come on, now. common. sense. <br />
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then one night i was making my infamous chocolate chip cookies in a new oven (which is actually not so new and kind of sucks) in our super awesome duplex and she's standing over my shoulder ridiculing me about each step... "uh, hi? momster? i've made these before. they are delish. GET OFF MY BACK! did you not learn when i divorced the last guy because he kept telling me what to do in the kitchen just to be a jerk? (note to you dear readers that this was not the only reason i divorced him, but it was part of it) well, i did. get the fuck out of my kitchen before i stab you with this spatula!"<br />
<br />
she listened. it was good.<br />
<br />
then i decided i wanted her to knit a blanket for me. so we went to the knitting store and it took three hours. i would have given my first born ferret spawn of satan child just to get out of that place, so i agreed to take some knitting classes. then i called bestie. then she reminded me that i'm only 26. then i got the heck out of dodge.<br />
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then we drove to san antonio to celebrate her friend's aunt's 100th birthday... it was a long, difficult drive ever since mile 5 when i figured out that the damn rental car didn't have an ipod jack and we were stuck listening to the radio. and then the wiener started whining... and then it was four hours later and i was tired and i threatened that little wiener dog... just a little to get her to shut up. because i will someday be a good mom like that.<br />
<br />
anywho... the rest of the trip was pretty uneventful... except for the night we went out to dinner with my mom, her financial planner, his bitchy girlfriend he met on match.com and ferret, of course... and this couple was making out and humping inches away from our table. that's not awkward at all. welcome to lower greenville, y'all. it's classy here.<br />
<br />
so. for real. that was it. all the highlights anyway. now i'm done and can quit avoiding this blog like the plague.<br />
<br />
can i vent for a second? (and don't worry, i'm fully aware that this is totally off-topic, but i have a fever, so it's ok) i REALLY hate ticket brokers. it should be illegal. i wanted to buy tickets to see fun. at house of blues, but those assholes bought all the tickets and NOW instead of paying $17/ticket to see them, the current going rate is hovering around $63/ticket. how is this just?<br />
<br />
i have two choices, i guess... be broke and get to see fun. or boycott ticket brokers in general. i think i'll go with option 2.<br />
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congrats if you made it this far and if anything made sense. you win the option to purchase a ticket to see fun. at house of blues in dallas for 3.7 times the original price. lucky you.all the lightshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492450094433691995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8656878294766067808.post-52693845757961407502012-02-28T12:19:00.001-08:002012-02-28T12:19:37.031-08:00we survived.we survived the great momster visit of 2012 with <strong>all of our limbs intact.</strong> details will follow shortly once i've sufficiently recovered from the tornado that is the momster.all the lightshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492450094433691995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8656878294766067808.post-34079129609020751982012-02-15T08:31:00.000-08:002012-02-15T08:31:22.751-08:00D-DAY otherwise known as the great momster visit of 2012i hope that despite everyone's feelings about valentine's day that you all had a fabulous day. <br />
<br />
my ferret surprised me with tickets to tosh's stand-up tour, custom shoe shelves for my closet, two dozen gorgeous (but not red thank god... i hate RED) roses and he picked up dinner for us from one of my favorite places... fireside pies. so we lounged around on the couch and watch a marathon of mad men episodes (what's more romantic than watching a tv show with lots of smoking, sex, alcohol and cheating men?). plus he helped me clean (woot!) because the momster is coming to visit. holy hell, y'all. i'm so in love with this boy, it's ridiculous. and i'm not one to discuss such things.<br />
<br />
what was i talking about? oh yeah, the momster visit. mom is coming to texas! and bringing her mini-dacshund who we shall all hereinafter refer to as "satan incarnate" or just "satan" for short. this is the dog that was disguised as a christmas present for me my senior year of high school but was really my replacement for when i went off to college in austin. i mean, she sits in my mom's lap while she eats dinner. it's disgusting. i'm not even kidding you.<br />
<br />
wow. the focus today is impeccable... how many times can i go off topic?<br />
<br />
ok. so. mom is coming to texas. so that little secret about ferret and i living together? it's out. plus, she's staying with us. in our super awesome 1,100 sq. foot one bedroom duplex. that's right. ONE BEDROOM. so she gets to sleep on a mattress in the living room. i am nothing if not classy, am i right?<br />
<br />
did i mention that last time she was here she did not act like herself and was a complete wench to said ferret?<br />
<br />
(i'm not nervous)<br />
<br />
hopefully she's over her craziness... hopefully they will bond and be merry and she'll fall in love against her will just like i did (just kidding, ferret... i totally wanted to)... hopefully it will at least provide for some good blog fodder.<br />
<br />
who knows.<br />
<br />
wish me luck.<br />
<br />
i'm totally going to need it.all the lightshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492450094433691995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8656878294766067808.post-44677207170463346422012-02-14T12:17:00.000-08:002012-02-14T12:17:27.883-08:00happy, happy v-day...for the millions of you that have posted on facebook, twitter and all other social media outlets (are there others? haha) how much hate you have in your heart for valentine's day... SHAME ON YOU!<br />
<br />
methinks thou doth protest too much. translated to regular english: it seems to me like you are a bitter, scorned, angry person whose sole purpose this day is to ruin a day that is supposed to be about love and candy hearts and chocolate and ferret-worshipping (for me, anyway). what is wrong with you people?!<br />
<br />
who cares if it's a hallmark holiday? if it's "fake?"<br />
<br />
people are ritualized beings. they need holidays and celebrations to grow closer together. so, get off your BAHHUMBAG soap box, sit your ass down and come eat some chocolate. all the celebrities are doing it...<br />
<br />
i was browsing my usual blogs that i stalk... i mean, follow... when i came across this post from eggton <a href="http://eggton.com/2012/02/13/3-love-themed-gifts-that-make-me-want-to-drink-a-bottle-of-nail-polish-remover/">http://eggton.com/2012/02/13/3-love-themed-gifts-that-make-me-want-to-drink-a-bottle-of-nail-polish-remover/</a>. she discusses the 3 craziest valentine's day presents... one of which is that for $10, you can name your own madagascar hissing cockroach at the bronx zoo.<br />
<br />
as you all know, i recently moved to a super awesome duplex in the m streets. and with this super awesome duplex came free cockroaches (!!!). i know, i'm a lucky, lucky girl. so, being the marketing maven i am, i clearly saw the moneymaking opportuntity... $85 will get you your very own dallas cockroach (complete with a miniature louis vuitton clutch which may or may not be fake and a bleach blonde giant mess of hair sized perfectly for your roach's head). for an additional $50, i'll even catch the little sucker and write a message of up to ten words in glittery nail polish on his back. oh, happy valentine's day, eh?<br />
<br />
move quickly and purchase your roach now as i have a limited supply.<br />
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unless those little buggars get in the v-day spirit and start procreating!<br />
<br />
so, happy valentine's day... try to enjoy it and quit being so dang negative all the time, people!all the lightshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492450094433691995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8656878294766067808.post-12768271553282931742012-02-09T12:23:00.000-08:002012-02-09T12:23:19.129-08:00free lipo with purchase of lingerie...ahhh, valentine's day. single's awareness day. a hallmark holiday. whatever you want to call it, it's quickly approaching. <br />
<br />
bestie and i did our due diligence for our significant others and headed to VS at the mall to pick out something yummy. despite one's personal preference toward lingerie, i think we can all agree that there really is nothing that makes you feel quite so girly and desirable... regardless of how uncomfortable it may be and the expense of a team of CIA agents and engineers it takes to get you in to said lingerie.<br />
<br />
i find that i always pick up about 18 outfits, work myself into a sweaty tizzy twisting and turning this way and that to get into all 18 outfits and then decide to purchase the very first one i put on. it's a lot of effort. but it's all worth it. ferret loves it. plus, it's just good cardio.<br />
<br />
and the best part is... you get free chocolates when you spend over $100.<br />
<br />
i don't know about you, but the last thing i'm thinking about after standing almost completely naked in skin-tight lingerie in stark lighting is the fact that i should eat more. or the fact that i should eat more chocolate. in fact, i'm normally wishing i had a gag reflex to get rid of whatever offensive calorie-ridden food i ate during lunch... actually, is there a way to just negate all the calories i have eaten for the last week? yes, please and thankyouverymuch.<br />
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how about this, victoria secret? free lipo with purchase of lingerie. i think more women could get excited about that. plus, then i wouldn't get chocolate all over my keyboard when i'm writing my latest blog entry...all the lightshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492450094433691995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8656878294766067808.post-39678807007068336712012-01-18T14:58:00.000-08:002012-01-19T09:18:21.606-08:00so i was thinking...duct tape fixes everything including, but not limited to: broken furniture, torn books, dumb ideas and opossum hair...all the lightshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492450094433691995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8656878294766067808.post-24131907665440000952012-01-13T14:07:00.000-08:002012-01-17T08:29:07.607-08:00i WOULD pick friday the 13th...to do my first post of the new year... but alas, this friday the 13th has been no more horrific than any other day. for me, at least... my friend from high school was in labor for 15 hours starting yesterday afternoon and finally gave birth to a precious baby girl early this morning... so i'm sure that was rather horrific, but at least she got the reward of her newborn bundle of joy...<br />
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who am i kidding? labor for 15 hours is probably cake compared to the months that follow filled with no sleep, poopy diapers, shittons of crying and did i mention NO SLEEP?! when i get no sleep (read: when i get less than 8 hours of sleep because after less than 8 hours of sleep i am just a shell of the person i used to be), the world ENDS. i am a zombie and i cannot function. pair that with a screaming, pooping mess & i'm pretty sure i'll start having visions of throwing my child out of the window... i don't care how cute it is when it's actually sleeping five minutes at a time. i'm probably unfit for child bearing/rearing. oh well, at least i have time to work through such issues.<br />
<br />
enough about babies... (since i've been hearing a lot about them lately)...<br />
<br />
i'm sure you've all been anxiously awaiting my new year's resolutions... actually i'm sure you haven't because honestly i haven't even thought about them and they're mine. so i'm sure you care even less than i do... but ALAS...<br />
<br />
<u>NY RESOLUTIONS 2012</u><br />
1. become more independent... sad to say i am one of those people who constantly needs to be entertained... and not by myself, by other people. i am one of those people, when left to the choice to hang out with them self or some friends, will pick my friends over me every single time. for some reason, i have a sneaking suspicion that that's not cool.<br />
2. eat more cheese fries... i consumed a lot this summer during what i would call "the dark time" (aka the divorce days) but have really slacked for the rest of the year. this year, i vow to consume cheese fries more consistently.<br />
3. stand up for myself... i'm one of those people that's really nice (i'm sure, you're surprised... i understand, but this is the one place where i really speak my mind)... so nice that i let people walk all over me and don't ask them for what i need because i'm afraid to make them go out of their way. then when someone takes advantage of my niceness, i get hurt and act all surprised. hey, idiot, letting people walk all over you is just as bad as them walking all over you. 'nuff said.<br />
4. see the ghost... sooo we all know that i had a ghost at the last place i lived at with my (now, ex-)roommate... well, it turns out that in the duplex i currently live at that the guy next door had passed away... i'm CONVINCED that his spirit is still wandering the property. so, here's to you, tex... hopefully we'll meet sometime in the near future.<br />
5. have fun, make no apologies for having fun... self-explanatory. 2011 sucked, so now it's time to make up for it in 2012. i'm already making headway towards this goal as sara and i are shooting a wedding in england in october... happy birthday to ME! which is already shittons better than my asshat of a birthday month this year where i got divorced. see? resolutions CAN come true :)<br />
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also, i probably need to sleep more... but i'm not going to make an official resolution out of it because i'm absolutely positive that there's no way it will happen... we can sleep when we're dead, right?<br />
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in other news... miss moo has recently received three stuffed rats as presents... i bought her the first one from my brave venture to ikea by myself ON A SATURDAY (i know, i'm a masochist) and then ferret got her two more when he ventured to ikea by himself on a WEEKDAY during the day... yeah, i know... weaksauce. he should probably step it up... miss moo can't choose between the three and instead is spending countless hours trying to figure out how to juggle all three at one time... she's making great strides toward perfection but most of the time she likes to run around the house in circles on an invisible race track with one of them secured in the clutches of her jowls... it's cute. for. now.<br />
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hope everyone had a happy new year... happy MLK, Jr weekend... am i the only person that's angry i don't get monday off? i'm going to eat fried chicken in protest. way to stick it to the man, huh?all the lightshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492450094433691995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8656878294766067808.post-22630643933695162242011-12-30T09:39:00.000-08:002012-01-17T08:27:55.775-08:00christmas rats, christmas trips, christmas moving & other extremely christmassy things...unfortunately all i wanted for christmas i did not get... and what i wanted was that giant ROUS (rodent of unusual size, yes, i love princess bride) DEAD. despite the many traps we set out inside our place and the numerous traps the landlord set outside, it has been over a week and still no dead rodent... we haven't seen any signs of droppings, the house doesn't smell like he decided to make a wall in our house his final resting place and there have been no other instances of vicious attacks on our kitchen... so. strange. <br />
<br />
it's almost like he's a ghost rat. which would make sense since our duplex is already haunted by edith. yes, we named her. yes, we love her because she's a nice ghost. for the most part. she just has this thing where she hates electronics and likes to mess with them a lot. and open and close doors. but there haven't been any scary mishaps, so it would only make sense that she have a ghost pet rat.<br />
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i'm not too worried about it since i'm moving... ooooooh... tomorrow. i'm stressed but excited but anxious... so you know, all good feelings :) i don't know why i was on crack and thought moving on new year's eve was a good idea, but you know... i don't always have the best ideas. in fact, normally my ideas are really awful. take this one for example.<br />
<br />
it's a good thing that i spent the last six days in arizona for christmas. i got to meet ferret's family and friends... i was pleasantly surprised by how awesome/welcoming everyone was. it was probably one of the best vacations i've ever had with someone. even though he has 1.2 million friends and i was on what felt like a national stand-up comedy tour since we hung out with almost all 1.2 million of them during the six days we were in town. it was a whirlwind, but damn, it was fun.<br />
<br />
i even got to ride a quad (four wheeler for those of us from texas... only this isn't just any four wheeler, it's souped up and has crazy sport suspension) up the mountains... the view was gorgeous, the weather was perfect... we even saw a little snow... ferret even let me drive (BIG mistake) and almost peed himself because i'm a little crazy when i drive. i'm female. it's natural.<br />
<br />
christmas eve, he and his friends have this awesome tradition of riding bikes around the neighborhood to look at the luminaries that line the street. it was absolutely amazing... we even got to sit by the fire pit and indulge in hot chocolate before the ride... ferret felt so christmassy that he even wore a christmas sweater with shoulder pads... that's dedication, folks, as it was rather nipply outside. the best part was that he had to hacksaw his bike so that i could fit on it. yes, i'm an adult. no, i can't ride adult bikes. they should really make small adult bikes for midgets. it gets really embarrassing when you have to continually buy kids bikes... just sayin.<br />
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we also went to eat with a huge group of his friends at 4 peaks brewery... they have peach beer, y'all. it's incredible & goes down easy. which definitely explains why i was hungover the next day. stacy, one of ferret's best friends who is cool as shit, and i made friends with a sweater slut who decided it was too risky to wash her hands after having gone pee because she didn't want to wash the slut off her hands. i don't blame her. it's fun having slut hands. stacy decided that in case of emergency a sweater can be turned into a dress as our new friend had done. i thought that her fake boobs could serve as flotation devices, but apparently i was wrong. fake tits do NOT float, according to stacy, who had been enlightened by MANSWERS. i was sad. it felt wrong. i might have cried since my expectations had turned out to be so incredibly wrong. i might need counseling to get over it.<br />
<br />
well... my fingers are tired of typing, so i guess that means this post is officially over. in the meantime, i'll try to think of some awesome new years resolutions for 2012.<br />
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2011 sucked. bring it on, 2012. you better be a good one.<br />
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happy new years, y'all.all the lightshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492450094433691995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8656878294766067808.post-83844207397431013512011-12-19T13:55:00.000-08:002012-01-17T08:26:54.287-08:00all i want for christmas is a kitchen rat?i woke up at 3 am to an empty bed, the tv on but on mute and my bedroom door wide open. apparently ferret had been woken up by what sounded like an extremely dangerous and armed intruder shuffling through our stuff in the kitchen. he grabbed his knife (instead of the gun, of course... knives are way better at killing dangerous criminals) to go save our lives... when he flipped on the lights, all he saw was that the bag of maple cookies that roomie brought back from canada ripped to shreds... he searched the entire kitchen high and low and did not find any signs of life.<br />
<br />
once he finished telling me this crazy story, we tried to fall back asleep and all of a sudden heard the loud rustling in the kitchen again. this time he decided to try to sneak up on the imposing animal with a flashlight, but it was to no avail. sneaky little devil. the rat, not cody, of course.<br />
<br />
apparently the rat/mouse/giant opossum had devoured 3/4 of the bag of maple cookies... annnnd at a hefty 250 calories per cookie, i hope he's happy with his newly engorged waistline. what a fat asshole.<br />
<br />
i spent the rest of the night tossing and turning because of nightmares with giant ratlike creatures trying to attack me. so not only did he eat my yummy cookies, he caused me to lose sleep. jerk. i hope he's fat and happy. and that his stomach explodes from all those calories... or maybe i hope it implodes... less messy for me.<br />
<br />
if his giant feast didn't cause him to keel over, i made sure to purchase a rat trap and two mouse traps to catch this asshat in the act. hopefully by tomorrow we can have a eulogy for this miscreant.<br />
<br />
wish me luck.all the lightshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492450094433691995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8656878294766067808.post-21374408636626405562011-12-08T14:52:00.000-08:002012-01-17T08:26:22.582-08:00whoa there, don't over-do it...yeah, that's right... TWO posts in ONE week. that's right, bitches.<br />
<br />
due to my divorce i've moved twice already this last year... so i figured what the heck? it's the holidays... the busiest time of the year... i think since my house sold it's time to find a new place. GENIUS idea... lemmetellya.<br />
<br />
so NOW, not only am i scrambling to find the perfect christmas presents for my friends on a smaller budget than usual, but i now have that additional challenge of packing (fortunately for me, a lot of my stuff is still packed from the last two times i moved this year) before the new year and before and after my week long crazy christmas vacation in arizona with ferret... which, as i said before, will be extremely nerve-wracking as i get to meet the family, friends and other people affiliated with my new favorite person of life. i know. i'm a little crazy. but i kind of like my life that way.<br />
<br />
i've also spent countless hours on the computer trying to research cheap ways to decorate that i will actually like... believe me, it's a challenge. a bigger one than it seems since i have champagne taste on a non-alcoholic drink budget (that's worse than a beer budget... TRUST me). i have yet to come up with a bigger waste of my free time... so far this activity suffices pretty well.<br />
<br />
found this awesome couch on craig's list that i would show you a photo of but they deleted the posting because i bought that bitch last night... let's just say that it's super sexy, brown leather and super contemporary which i think will mix nicely with my antique, industrial and glittery design fetish. i love anything old, unique, rustic and shiny. that about sums it up. which could be a major train wreck, but hopefully i'll be able to post pics to prove otherwise. you be the judge.<br />
<br />
i have also found some pretty fugly items on good 'ol craig's list as well:<br />
<br />
<img alt="image 1" src="http://images.craigslist.org/5Y55O65X13p13oe3l5bc8fb2f79b1618f11d6.jpg" /><br />
sure, plaid and floral looks FABULOUS together... ummm, wow.<br />
<br />
<img alt="image 0" src="http://images.craigslist.org/5Q25W65X13mb3pe3o8bc879a3b85456571c65.jpg" /><br />
just what i wanted... sliding mirrored closet doors. CHECK!<br />
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<img alt="image 0" src="http://images.craigslist.org/5U45X05R43kf3o73lcbbp61b23e4ddf6e13bb.jpg" /><br />
gaudy AND teal... what a winning combo<br />
<br />
oh my... and these are only a small few of the beauties available. it really makes me wonder who looked at that shit in the first place and decided to buy it. really, people?!?!<br />
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well now, i have to head off to keep up my stringent working out schedule so i can get supah hot before the great merry arizona christmas adventure... (don't worry, it's still a working title).all the lightshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492450094433691995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8656878294766067808.post-88463504214696283312011-12-07T13:16:00.000-08:002012-01-17T08:24:10.543-08:00time flies when you're having fun??? or maybe it's just because i'm super busy...soooo, it's been about a month and a half since my last blog... i'm pretty sure that means i fail at this blog thing. but i'm used to failure, so it's not really a big deal. plus i've been too busy to notice... and i've been having too much fun... and i've been too busy having fun. so there.<br />
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although i'm sure your life has lost a little of its sparkle with the absence of my inane ramblings. but i'm back bitches. you're welcome.<br />
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i'm signing a lease on a super cute duplex tomorrow... super stoked about that... now i will have approximately 900 sq feet of places to put all my things from my 2,300 sq foot house... which SOLD. thank you blog gods, because not long after i posted about wishing my house was sold, my wish was granted. i'm officially free, y'all. let's celebrate! but not too much because moving is expensive and now i'm poor. fun times. especially at christmas.<br />
<br />
craig's list is creepy. when i was looking for places to live, i seriously found an ad asking for sexual favors in return for free rent, which i would have been all for except that the ad specifically stated that the whole idea was "less creepy than it sounds." i felt like if you have to clarify that then it is, in fact, a pretty creepy situation. and i feel like i've had a big enough dose of creepers this year. just sayin.<br />
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other news... i'm taking a trip to arizona to meet ferret's friends and fam... i guess this is a big step for us? who knows... i just know that i've already started memorizing facts, figures and names of all his favorite people there, started working out hardcore and am on a super strict diet and skin regiment. ok, i might be exaggerating a little, but i am kind of nervous... but if they love him, they should love me. because he's basically me in a man's body. which makes me feel kind of vain for being with him, but whatever. the awesomeness far outweighs any vanity...<br />
<br />
i am, however, going to have to chill it with the inappropriateness during my trip... i don't want these people getting the right idea about me BEFORE they start loving me. i should probably chill it with the inappropriateness in general. i've started to notice that other people notice. exhibit a: me and my friends (bestie and gaybian... who isn't really gay, more just metro) were eating at in n out burger during lunch the other day when i started talking about how one of my friends has been really stressed lately and probably just needs to get laid... i didn't realize how loudly i was talking until the creeper next to us looked over at us, asked us if she was cute and said he could help her out for an hour... WOW. people are crazy. or maybe i'm crazy for talking about such things loudly, but that's just how i do it, kids. get used to it. or maybe that should be one of my new year's resolutions. but why set myself up for failure?all the lightshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492450094433691995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8656878294766067808.post-41575764223611274212011-10-24T15:06:00.000-07:002012-01-17T08:23:30.222-08:00jump out of a perfectly good plane? don't mind if i do...as of this last sunday, i'm finally in my late twenties. *sigh* i mean, i knew it was going to happen one day or another, so i'm glad to get this milestone down now. <br />
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also, as of last monday, i'm officially divorced. i'm free, y'all. now if only i could get our house sold so it is completely over and i have 1,526 times less stress in my life. that's what i want for my birthday. p.s. the homebuyers these days are extremely picky and i have a hard time dealing with their dumb comments... you're really not going to pick my house because you don't like the paint colors? weaksauce. soooooo if i could get the saints and gods to align for me in order to get that little piece of heaven in the burbs sold that would be awesome. k thanks.<br />
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back to the birthday awesomeness... ferret told me he had a little surprise for me... which required getting up at 8 am on a saturday to go hiking. i'm not kidding you. i thought this kid knew me. apparently i was wrong. early saturday mornings + hiking + cam do NOT mix. because of his last name, i <strike>rudely</strike> lovingly refer to him as ferret... sooooo he also mentioned that we were hiking to a ferret farm so i could pick out a REAL ferret for my birthday. happy birthday to me. being the sweet girlfriend that i am, i complained the entire time we were driving and threatened to do equally unfun things to him for his birthday... that is, until we pulled up to the skydiving place. holy hell, y'all, i completely lost my shit, started screaming and immediately declared him the best boyfriend of life. because clearly best boyfriend of the year wasn't enough for such an awesome present. he even got me a video and still photos so i could prove to people how crazy i am.<br />
obviously i have a screw loose because i lacked even the least bit of nervousness... & i can't tell you how glad i am that i did it. seriously one of the coolest things i've ever done in my life. all thanks to my awesome boyfriend. i take it back about doing something lame for your birthday... now i totally have some stepping it up to do in the present department :)<br />
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we also got a group together to go eat at nosh... it's an extremely awesome restaurant in dallas off of oak lawn for serious foodies. everything we ate was absolutely fantastic and i highly recommend it. AND everyone has an awesome attitude and is super helpful as far as the staff goes. after nosh, we took an even bigger group out to teddy's... it's a club with burlesque shows a couple times a night. despite the fact that i almost faceplanted on the way in and then we got poured on on the way out it was tons of fun. especially the part where i got hit on by a creepy dude when ferret was closing the tab. dallas guys are ridiculous and have a hard time dealing with rejection. wait, i guess that's guys in general. or people in general. whatevs. oh and the DJ kept spinning LMFAO... one of my least favorite bands of all time. thankfully i had all my best friends and my amazing boyfriend to make the night fun despite all the craziness. best. birthday. ever.<br />
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plus, my roomie is amazing & made me the cutest ninja turtle birthday cake. try not to be jealous. it will be hard.all the lightshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492450094433691995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8656878294766067808.post-21950191282110901532011-10-06T14:40:00.000-07:002012-01-17T08:22:46.055-08:00suicidal squirrels are so in this fall...i was driving to work this morning without a care in the world, windows rolled down, listening to some super introspective indie music i'm sure... when out of nowhere this gangster squirrel darts in front of my car and just STANDS there staring at me with his beady little eyes like he had a death wish. <br />
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now i realized that i would most probably win this chicken deathmatch, but i love animals. ALL animals. and it would hurt me far worse than it would hurt him if i ran over the little bugger regardless of the mean mugging he was doing while standing daringly in front of my bumper. <br />
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so i screetched to a hault and honked the horn to make him move. fortunately he got the message and ran off into someone's front yard to safety. i can't be sure, but i thought i saw him giving me the finger as he ran away... sorry for screwing up your suicide plans, sir! seriously! i just saved your life... the least you could do is THANK ME. squirrels are assholes, y'all.<br />
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during lunch today i went to target with my bestie... i'm not really sure what we went in to target to purchase, but i'm pretty sure we came out with more than we bargained for. i swear that you can't get in and out of that place without spending over $100 and getting hives from all the panic attacks due to the vast amounts of shopping treasures inside. <br />
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plus, i found a dress with birds on it. no lie. i LOVE birds. well not real birds... i love birds in theory and i love drawings and photos of birds... real birds are like rats with wings and that makes me want to vomit. fake birds, however, are my reason for living. so i HAD to buy the dress. on principle alone. because there are birds on it, y'all. AND a front zipper... and that was just a bonus. so i did. (put a bird on it, y'all)<br />
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so the lesson for today is that squirrels are suicidal assholes and fake birds on a dress can totally turn your day around. PLUS, it's thursday so it's practically the weekend... don't forget to wear your party pants tomorrow.all the lightshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492450094433691995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8656878294766067808.post-78920987153679071122011-10-04T09:25:00.000-07:002012-01-17T08:21:54.655-08:00this is probably longer than anyone wants to read, so feel free to skim it...i paid $11 to sleep through a movie the other night. i also got attacked by a small dog the size of a wiener (otherwise known as a wiener dog). i got alcohol poisoning for only the second time in my life. i ditched a guy trying to accost my roommate (roomie... please note that names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent) by saying that my boyfriend had lost my dog... let's just say that i'm not a good actress. i also saved a small cat from uncertain death in a tree.<br />
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true story. well, except for the cat part. and this all happened in a little over a week from the last time i blogged. try and tell me that i don't live a crazy life.<br />
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last tuesday was my first non-wedding anniversary. i felt like i had to do something to commemorate it since i wasn't really planning on being sad... so i took my girls out to stan's down the street and proceed to get wastey. hardcore wastey. i'm talking two beers, a pitcher, 3.5 shots and two more beers wastey. from what i remember, we had a really good time. ferret wasn't around because he had a scream-o concert to attend (and from the video he sent me, i'm pretty glad i didn't go... even the short clip gave me a major migraine... but to each their own!), but he did manage to come by the house after to find me passed out in bed... apparently i had a full conversation with him but i remembered none of it in the morning. at least i managed to finish puking black stuff before he came over. apparently i also managed to brag about brushing my teeth before he came over. i only remember bits & pieces. which means we were extremely successful in our quest to get wastey. i like to think of us as overachievers. don't be jealous. <br />
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this was the night that we ditched the guy trying to get with roomie by buying us shots and beer by telling him my man had lost my dog. roomie legitimately freaked out despite my horrible acting skills. i blame the alcohol. sorry, ferret, for blaming you for losing my dog. it wasn't your fault. yes, you can make it up to me sometime.<br />
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that night helped me remember why i don't drink that much. so there was another major positive out of the night.<br />
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my mom has been in town since last week and we've been busy tearing up the town. she's from oregon, the great hippie state, so i've been trying to find super granola places to take her in d-town so she feels at home. we went to bolsa market on friday night in the <strike>ghetto</strike> bishop arts district. while we were driving there she kept asking me if i was sure that we were going the right way... i guess she's not used to seeing families brandishing glocks sitting on the porch... but i quickly explained that the family that shoots together stays together. she didn't seem so sure about that. <br />
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we met her financial planner for dinner and spent the whole time talking about how a guy that gets paid to advise people about money is really horrible at managing his own money. kind of ironic, but funny nonetheless. of course there was some time spent breaking wine glasses (my mom is a lightweight) and a mexican dude almost assaulted me... but i later found out that he's my neighbor and just wanted to say hi. i'm really bad at remembering people. especially when they live right next to me. call me an asshole. i'm used to it. but to be fair, he just recently moved next door.<br />
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saturday night we decided to go eat at la duni... one of my favorite restaurants in dallas and then watch the movie dreamhouse. it didn't start until 10:30... as soon as we arrived in the movie theater, i decided it would be more fun to watch the movie horizontally, so i laid down. and fell. asleep. i literally paid $11 to increase my neck and back pain and watch the back of my eyelids. roomie insisted the movie was awesome. at least it wasn't a total fail.<br />
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sunday, ferret came over and made us german pancakes and bacon with brown sugar and dijon on it... super yummy. i don't know how i got so lucky that boy can cook, but since i have the cooking abilities of a five year old i'm super glad. i mean peanut butter and jelly is one of my specialties... i'm not kidding, y'all.<br />
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then we walked around white rock lake to kill some time before the dexter premiere. i tried to push the button for the fountain so miss mae (my adorable pit/lab/bat/horse mix, see photo below) could get a drink, but found that i didn't know my own weakness and was unable to get the fountain to work. cody made a comment about me having the strength of a five year old... and he ended up getting a mouthful of water in the face. lesson. taught. at least i hope he learned something from the whole experience... however i'm sure with how hot it was, the water actually felt good... whatever, it was fun regardless.<br />
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here's miss mae:<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdog88JFOpreBJqoqPU_IqfWQq0DPL6KDET8r6ZNZvOY4clPHqeyxl7wtUd3SLQ-JzsWZpmfUKXDZ67j3mlT7EjQcc_UX2YlJuRBGPBIdqic3XCPLzQcm04N1oi7iiPsW7hyphenhyphenNaRMiCrXc2/s1600/andi.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" kca="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdog88JFOpreBJqoqPU_IqfWQq0DPL6KDET8r6ZNZvOY4clPHqeyxl7wtUd3SLQ-JzsWZpmfUKXDZ67j3mlT7EjQcc_UX2YlJuRBGPBIdqic3XCPLzQcm04N1oi7iiPsW7hyphenhyphenNaRMiCrXc2/s320/andi.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">if you turn your head to the right, then the picture totally works. i'm completely unsure of how to rotate the photo in this thing, so you're just going to have to work with me here.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">as you can tell... part lab... part pit... part bat? and maybe some horse thrown in there... and some jaguar because she saunters when she walks. but this is my babygirl :)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">mom went to dinner with my brother and his friend and came back right before dexter started so we had to postpone the premier until after they left... during which time roomie's dog tried to attack brother's dog and bit me in the proccess. it's swollen and bruised, but he didn't break the skin. which is a good thing since i'm super accident prone. at least i already got a tetanus shot this year when i busted it in the rangers parking lot on a bright red curb. see? i wasn't kidding about the accident-proneness.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">the dexter premiere rocked, but i of course managed to fall asleep before the end. sometimes i feel like i'm an 80 year old woman trapped in a 25 almost 26 year old's body. anyone else feel like that? no? just me? of course.</div>all the lightshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492450094433691995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8656878294766067808.post-29735445942030954622011-09-23T13:56:00.000-07:002012-01-17T08:20:03.942-08:00carrot top is alive & wellhowdy, y'all... as we like to say in texas. not that i've ever openly admitted to the fact that i'm from texas except for all intensive blog purposes, but that'll do. in fact, most of the time i claim seattle as my hometown... even though i lived there from ages -7.5 months to 4 years (i was a preemie) and have served the majority of my life sentence down here in <strike>hell</strike> texas. i'm largely in denial. and that's a theme that seems prevalent in many areas of my life.<br />
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i turn 26 in roughly a month. and i'm getting divorced. which just so happily will happen less than a week before i venture into my "late twenties." happy birthday... you're divorced. believe it or not, this was all a part of my master life plan.<br />
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hopefully you're no stranger to the use of sarcasm. i'm sarcasm's best friend. and worst enemy. which doesn't really make sense, but seemed to fit, so i wrote it anyway. sue me. but i digress...<br />
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so i went to a concert at house of blues last night with my boyfriend to see some largely unheard of bands: run run run, remington, missile and (my favorite which sounds like if MGMT and foster the people had a lovechild out of wedlock) gentlemen hall. it was definitely good stuff... if you're looking to drop some scrilla on itunes, i highly recommend gentlemen hall's CD "when we all disappear"... it's the best $5.94 you'll ever spend. TRUST. so anyway... we're just hanging out... watching all the underage high school kids trying to be cool and dancing... let me tell you... there is something incredibly ego-boosting about watching white kids at an alternative concert try to be cool and dance. but then we felt like assholes because we were some of the oldest people at the concert. touche, awfully dancing and uncool white kids. touche.<br />
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my man managed to run off to the restroom and while i was standing there trying to enjoy a little personal time, out of the corner of my eye, i spot old man time staring at me... wait, no... he was more than staring... he was eye fucking me. with a gaze of pure enjoyment. i quickly tried to ensure that my ass wasn't hanging out of my super short dress, grabbed my shit and ran. just the idea of wrinkly balls scares me, y'all.<br />
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so there i am stressing out... texting my boyfriend to come back and save me... practicing my loud neighing skills in case old man time decides to upgrade from across the room eye fucking to full on old man on late 20's girl raping and my man shows up on his white steed in full armour to rescue me. i was so happy to see him and escape the impending pillaging that i forgot to ask him where he found the horse.<br />
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then i spotted carrot top. who almost molested the couple standing behind us who looked like they were having a fabulous time by standing still with these awesome grimaces on their faces (remember what i said about sarcasm. get used to it if you're not). or he could have almost molested the drunk girl with her white shirt half falling off. either one. i wasn't sure what his target was because before i knew it, our steed carried us off into the parking lot so we could safely make it home despite the crazy crowd orgies that were going on.<br />
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all in all, it was a good night. especially since we narrowly escaped pillaging. oh and the music was cool, too.<br />
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moral of the story: don't get left by yourself in a crowd at a concert. especially not at a concert that old man time & carrot top decide to attend. unless your man finds a random white steed to carry you to safety.all the lightshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492450094433691995noreply@blogger.com0Dallas, TX, USA32.802955 -96.76992332.599827499999996 -97.0377275 33.0060825 -96.502118500000009